Archive for the ‘science’ Category

Chemistry song 05

Deck the LabsDeck the labs with rubber tubingFa la la la la, la la la la.Use your funnel and your filterFa la la la la, la la la la.Don we now our goggles and apronsFa la la la la, la la la la.Before we go to our lab stationsFa la la la la, la la [...]

Thrown out of the lab

Top ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?”8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as “KKK.”

Question is too easy

ON A CHEMISTRY TEST at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical-powder spill. In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular [...]

Thrown out of the lab

Top ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid1. Show [...]

science

what do you call a science joke? STUPID.

Chemistry song 14

We Three Students Of Chemistry AreWe three students of chemistry aretaking tests that we think are hardStoichiometry, volumes and densitiesworrying all the time.O room of wonderroom of frightRoom of thermitesblinding light:With your energiesplease don’t burn usHelp us get our labs all right.

Chemistry song 06

The Twelve Days of ChemistryOn the first day of chemistryMy teacher gave to meA candle from Chem Study.(second day) two asbestos pads(third day) three little beakers(fourth day) four work sheets(fifth day) five golden moles(sixth day) six flaming test tubes(seventh day) seven unknown samples(eighth day) eight homework problems(ninth day) nine grams of salt(tenth day) a ten [...]

Chemist’s last words

The last words of a chemist:4. … and please keep that test tube alone!5. And now shake it a bit.6. Why is there no label on this bottle?

Chemistry song 08

Test Tubes Bubbling(to the tune of “Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire”)Test tubes bubbling in a water bathStrong smells nipping at ypur nose.Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglowWill find it hard to be inert tonight.They know that Chlorine’s on its wayHe’s loaded lots of little electrons on his sleighAnd every student’s slide rule is [...]

Chemist’s last words

The last words of a chemist:7. In which glass was my mineral water?8. The bunschen burnes *is* out!9. Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?

The Cesium song 13

Cesium’s Strange(Tune, People are strange – The Doors)Cesium’s strange,when you’re a strangerConsummate danger,ready to blow.Water is wicked,wet and unwanted,Folks are unfriendly,when you glow.Don’t take it out in the rain.You’re insane!You’re insane!Don’t you remember the pain?You’re insane!You’re insane!You’re insane —Cesium’s strange,pregnant with danger,Hand the next strangera kilo or two.Pour on the water,lamb at the slaughter,Bathe in [...]

Jokes of science 01

At the physics exam: ‘Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.’ Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?A: The ‘wave’.The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.A student recognizes Einstein in a [...]

Experiment on Elephant

One day three scientists were discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephants ass and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began [...]

Albert Einstien

If Albert Einstien was soo smart then how come hes dead?

A geologist’s song 02

Sea-Floor Spreading Lament (folksong) by Brenna Lorenz Refrain: Alas for the spreading of the ocean, Alas for the spreading of the sea, Alas for every year that passes by, Taking you two inches more from me! Oh, why did you leave our native plate, Causing me to weep and to mourn? With the plates diverging [...]

Jokes of science 03

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender looks at [...]

Chem one-liners 03

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down?What’s the formula for water? -H-two-O What’s the formula for an ice cube? -H-two-O-CUBEDQ: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?A: OxymoronThe best chemists would definitely not be pet owners.Their idea [...]

Chemistry song 12

I Saw Teacher Kissing Santa ChlorineI saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorineunder the chemistree last nightThey didn’t sneak me down the periodic chartto take a peekAt all the atoms reacting in their beakers;it was neat.And I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorineunder the chemistree so brightOh what a reaction there would have beenif the principal had walked [...]

Chem one-liners 01

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. — Mike AdamsChemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.Remember, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine and died of [...]

"Good luck, Mr. Gorsky"

It seems when Apollo Mission Astronaut, Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks — usual communication traffic between him, the other astronauts and mission control. Before he reentered the lander, he made [...]

Nail in experiment

DURING my freshman biology class at North High School in Springfield, Ohio, our teacher was lecturing on the conditions in which bacteria exist. Elaborating on the acidic environment where certain bacteria thrive, he suggested a simple experiment. “I want you to drop a nail into a glass of Coke or Pepsi, and then observe the [...]

Dedicated geologists

Total immersion geologistsTotal immersion geologists: Are you totally obsessed with geology? If so, then you are a total immersion geologist. Here are the ten warning signs: 1. You judge a restaurant by the type of decorative building stone they use rather than their food. 2. You manage to turn any conversation into a discussion of [...]

Giving birth in the year 4000

In the year 4000, scientists invented a machine that transferred the pain of childbearing from the mother to the father. Hal and Binky are going to have septuplets, and they decide to try the new machine. As Binky goes into labor, she and Hal go to the hospital and get hooked up to the machine. [...]

The Cesium song 10

Cesium (All through the Night)(Tune, Fever)(1)Never know how much I need you,Never know how much I’d dare,When I mix you up with water,I get a heat that’s hard to bear.I need my Cesium!Burnin’ brightly,Cesium to give me light.Cesium –In the morning,Cesium all through the night.(2)Sun lights up the daytime.Moon lights up the night.Cesium lights up [...]

The Cesium song 01

Oh Cesium(Tune, Oh Christmas tree)Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,Thy spectrum doth us please-ium.Thy sky-blue lines in plasma’s fire,Do dreams of icy lakes inspire.Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,Thy spectrum doth us please-ium.Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,When held, you never freeze-ium.Thy gently smoking silver spheres,When dropped in water, please the ears.Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,When held, you never freeze-ium.Oh Cesium, oh [...]