Archive for the ‘sci-fi / fantasy’ Category

Luke Skywalker

One day, Luke Skywalker and Obi-One came into a Chinese Resturant. They ordered the food and then sat down to eat. “Damm it!” cried Luke, “These sticks are so hard.” As Luke’s face grew livid with rage, Obi-One calmly replied, “Use the forks, Luke, use the forks.”

What kind of ghost…

What king of ghost sits in a cloth chair? An upolster-geist.

The Pledge of the Committed Hero Wiener

1. I, as a dedicated wiener, pledge to be the wussiest I can, but always win. 2. Through the course of my journey, I will never act cool. 3. I pledge to effect the lives of everyone I meet, but only in a minute way. 4. No one will stop me from completing my mission. [...]

A Man with an Ostrich and a Cat

A bloke in Australia walks up to the bar with a big ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The barman comes over, regarding the trio with some curiosity, and says, “What’ll it be?” The man says, “I’ll have a pint”, and turns to the [...]

Captain’s Red Shirt

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his first mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The first mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and [...]

heaven or hell?

A man walked out into the street and got hit by a car, he was a devious man who sinned all of the time. He died, and when he got to his after life he said, “ohhh….. this must be heaven.” There were many beautiful, naked women and many bottles of rum. He saw a [...]

Genie on Malibu Beach

A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found a bottle. He looked around and didn’t see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, “For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one..” The man thought for [...]

Close Encounter

One day in a little town in the desert, a UFO landed and a green man came out and walked towards the town bar. As he entered the bar he approached the sherif who happened to be reading the paper. The alien stood behind him, looked over his shoulder and started to tap him on [...]

Irishman and Genie w/ Glass of Vodka

One day an Irishman found a bottle. He rubbed it and out came a genie. The genie said, “I will grant you 2 wishes.” The Irishman said, “I like Russian vodka. So I guess I’ll take a glass of that.” POOF! He had a glass of vodka! To his surprise, once he finished the glass [...]

Snowball

I made myself a snowball as perfect as could be, I thought i’d keep it as a pet and let it sleep with me. I made it some pajamas and a pillow for its head, but one night it ran away but first it wet the BED!

Aliens

Two aliens came down to earth to do some research on humans and to test out their new super weapon too. They land in a desert and start walking down a dirt road. They come up to a telephone pole, “Speak earthling or I will shoot you,” says the alien. Now of course the phone [...]

Three Men and a River

Once there were three blond who were all trying to figure out how to cross a river. They tried walking across, but it was much too deep. Stumped, they sat down and began to cry. Soon, a kind fairy came along. When she saw their tears, she offered to give them each a wish if [...]

10 Times More to Husband

A lady has an ugly divorce with her husband. One day she finds a lamp. She rubs it and a genie appears. The genie told her, “I will make 3 of your wishes come true… BUT, the wish you ask for will be done 10 times more to your husband.” The lady though for a [...]

Alien Love

A man and his female friend woke up one morning to find an alien spacecraft in their back yard. Being curious, the man and woman went to welcome the visitors. When the reached the spacecraft, a door slowly opened and standing there were two aliens (a male and a female) who looked just like humans [...]

Take me to your leader

A purple alien and a green alien landed on Earth and the first thing they came to was a gas pump. The purple alien walked up to it and said, “Take me to your leader”. The green alien said, “He’s not gonna listen to you, he’s a mean motherfucker.” The purple alien said, “Yes he [...]

Thank you, God…..

A man is on safari in the jungle by himself unarmed.(yes, he is a blonde)A lion suddenly jumps in front of him and roars. The man immiediately gets on his knees and begins to pray. “Please,God, dont let this lion eat me.” To his amazement he sees the lion immidiately get to its knees and [...]

Star Ship enterprise

Why is the Star Ship Enterprise like a toilet roll???? Because it flies around Uranus looking for cling ons!

Harry, Dick, and Larry

There were these three guys named Harry Dick and Larry. They discovered a cave and went inside. To their surprise there was a genie. The genie said you each can have one wish. Harry wished to be a butterfly and he flew off into the flowers. Dick wished to be a dinosaur. So he walked [...]

martians

What did the martians ask for when they came to earth? Marshmallows

A Typical Scene in RhyDin

Her: A wee bonnie lass enters the inn, hips swaying seductively in a clear cry to be adored for the goddess she is, firm young body jiggling in all the right places, the wafted scent of a undenyable pheromone filling the air with intoxicating lusts. Him: The dashing and handsome bard looks at the door [...]

The English, the Irish and the Scottish

There was once an English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man and there was this magical slide. The Genie of the slide said to them, “I grant you a wish when you slide down this magical slide.” The English man slid down the slide and shouted “GOLD!!!” and he landed in a pile [...]

Three guys and three wishes

There were three guys who were in a plane crash: an American, a Japanese guy, and a Filipino. Luckily, when the plane went down, they were the only three to make it out of the wreck and onto the raft. Continuing on their lucky streak, the ocean currents brought them to an island, which they [...]

Genie and 3 Guys

Three guys are walking down a beach. One of them trips on a bottle. They pick it up and a genie pops out. “I’m a powerful genie, I’ll grant each one of you a wish!” The guys think for a while, and the first one goes: “I want to be two times as smart as [...]

Son

It was time for St. Peter’s annual three-week vacation, and Jesus volunteered to fill in for him at the Pearly Gates. “It’s no big deal,” St. Peter explained. “Just sit at the registration desk, and ask each person a little about his or her life. Then, send them to housekeeping to pick up their wings.” [...]

UFO’s landing site

Q: Why do UFO’s land in remote areas? A: Ask yourself! If you had to travel LIGHT YEARS to get to Earth and had to take a piss. Would YOU land in a populated city and whip out your SPACE GUN in front of everyone!!!!!!