Archive for the ‘school’ Category

Nail,Screw, and Bolt

A woodshop teacher asks the only girl in the class what the difference is between a nail, a screw, and a bolt on the first day of school and she says “Well

Student comes home from college

Student comes home from first semester of college and his father asks him how he likes school. Student says ” I don’t know

Little Johnny

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny

Animal Quiz

Animal Quiz One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says “See its long neck? What animal has a long neck?”” Sally holds up her hand and asks

Adding

One day a boy named Jonny was learnig out to add. When he got home from school, he started to do his homework. So he said out loud,” 2+2

A Turkey murder case

A guy just came from Turkey and got a job as an apple seller at an apple farm. He didn’t know any English so he just stood behind the counter and got paid. On the third day his first costomer came in. “How much are your apples”” not knowing what to say he said Turkey. [...]

Naughty with the pickle slicer

bill works in a pickle factory, he had been employed there for several years till one day he came home and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compunction. he had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. his wife recommended he see a sex theripist but bill indicated he [...]

Little Johnny “Definetly”"”

One day at school a teacher asked her 1rst grade class to use the word “Definetly”” in a sentence. Little Susie raised her hand and said: “”The grass is definetly green!”” The teacher smiled and said: “”I’m sorry Little Susie

The Light At The End of The Tunnel

Why Are NewYorkers Always so depressed? Becuase The Light At the End Of The Tunnel Is New Jersey!!!!!

UNC’s Bubba

It was graduation day at UNC, and the professors were giving out the degrees. The crowd started chanting Bubba, Bubba, Bubba! The president of the University asked, “Who’s Bubba?” “Bubba is a guy who’s been at the University for twenty years, and hasn’t graduated. The professor called Bubba up and told him that if he [...]

Kindergardner first homework assigment

this kid in kindergarden his teacher told him to write down 4 words his mother was talking on the phone and she said shut up so he writes that down then his sister said i think im in love he writes that his little bro tv show goes da da batman he writes that his [...]

Oral sex

a man is talking to his grandson about sex.he turns an asks his grandfather how do u an grandma do it?he replied,we only have oral sex.she goes t bed in her bedroom.i go to bed in my bedroom,she yells “fuck u”and i yell “fuck u too”

Ways to add confusion to dining halls

by Robert ChenYou should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.41. Dress up in coat and tie. Find a table where everyone’s done eating. Inform them of the daily special desserts and take their orders.42. Spill your drink and tray on a person and run off.43. During the meal, [...]

First Day at School

It was the first day of 3rd grade, and a new school for Johnny. As a test, the teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 and 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn’t get past 20. Johnny, [...]

Pay Attention

A small bottle containing urine sat upon the desk of Sir William Osler, the eminent professor of medicine at Oxford University. Sitting before him was a class full of young, wide-eyed medical students, listening to his lecture on the importance of observing details. To emphasise his point, Sir Osler announced, “This bottle contains a sample [...]

You might be a college student if . . .

23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room

The class reunion!

A guy goes to his high school class reunion. Having not seen anyone in twenty-five years he’s very curious as to who might show up. When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweetheart. They sit down and talk about the past. “How have you been?” he asks. “I’ve been fine, just [...]

Less Common Latin Phrases

Less Common Latin Phrases Quo signo nata es? What’s your sign? Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt. You know, the Romans invented the art of love. O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem! Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm! Spero nos familiares mansuros. I hope we’ll still be friends. Mellita, domi adsum. Honey, I’m home. Tam [...]

15 Pet Peeves Of Morticians

15 Pet Peeves Of Morticians… Best make-up artist in the world, but your models never make the cover of Cosmo. No moth, no Jodie Foster — just leaves, dirt, and regular dead folks. Only 3 hits this month on the “World O’ Coffins” web site. Tough to convince anyone to let you place bodies in [...]

Belmont Abbey

Q: How many Belmont Abbey students does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three – one to hold the candle, one to light the flint, and the other to pray that it works.

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.145. Leave memos on your roommate’s bed that say things like, “I know what you did,” and “Don’t think you can fool me.”

Big deal

Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.66. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

Canadian Complaints about Americans

Editor’s Note: naturally we don’t have enough room to catalog all of them, but here’s the top ten.—————-10. Won’t acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Jim Carrey and Howie Mandel.9. We’re pretty sure they’re holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.8. Every time we mention the city “Regina”, they won’t stop giggling.7. Incredibly, they only [...]

Can You Spare a Few Dollars?

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a [...]