Archive for the ‘rednecks’ Category

‘Breviated Medicul Dickshunnary!

adenoids…..(n) Space critters whut are keepin’ Elvis alive on Pluto anasthesia…(n) Rushun princess y’all red ’bout in skool. antacid……(n) aloosinagenic drugs uzed by itty bitty bugz. bowel……..(n) A alfabit letter lyke A, E, I, O, or U or why? bronchitis…(n) dinosour frum the plastikseen age; extinked. catscan……(v) lukin’ fer hookers (don y’all do this) cauterize….(v) [...]

Give Budda a chance

It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won’t be able to graduate tonight.” Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox’s football team, and when the [...]

Lawyer and a redneck

A big shot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault… “YOU STUPID HICK!” shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at [...]

Good’nuff fer us

Billy Joe and Betty-Sue get married and Billy Joe whisks her away to his daddy’s hunting cabin in the woods for a romantic ‘nature honeymoon’. He carries her across the threshold and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear, ‘Billy Joe, be gentle, I air’ never been with a man b’fore.”WHAT?’shouts Billy [...]

Red neck

Your a redneck if sailors have to tell your grandma to watch her mouth.

Redneck quickies 35

You might be a redneck if… You don’t know what a redneck is. You’re still upset that they canceled “The Dukes of Hazzard”. You thought ER was ET’s cousin. You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars. You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your [...]

Redneck quickies 38

You might be a redneck if…You think “Country & Western” covers both types of music. You’ve ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick. You can chew your own toenails.You’ve ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans. You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.Someone knocks on [...]

Walks to school

If your daddy walks you to school because you�re both in the same grade, you might be a redneck!

You consider your annual bath

You consider your annual bath one too many.You wore a baseball cap to the opera.If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald’s playhouse.

Your belt buckle weighs more

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.You have the taxidermist’s number on speed-dial.

You’re a redneck … the biggest fashion risk

You’re a redneck if…. The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you’ll wear to the 4-H Fair.

Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo

it is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day…Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo. billy-bob: hey billi-jo…can i stick my finger in your belly-button? billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :> …now its 11:00 at the police station… billy-bob: hey billi-jo…can i stick my finger in your belly-button? billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :> …now its [...]

New Rooster

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster “Ok, old fellow its time to retire.”The old rooster says, “You can’t handle all these chickens…look at what it did to me!”The young rooster replies, “Now, don’t give me [...]

Hickbonics!

Atlanta School Board The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over Ebonics, has decided to designate Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary: HEIDI — noun. Greeting. HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: “Heidi. Hire [...]

Tasties in a Half Shell

Why did God invent armadillos? So that rednecks can have ‘possum on the half-shell

Wedding

if your father walkes your mother down the ils on your weddind day. you might be a redneck

Your favorite hunting dog has

Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.Your masseuse uses lard.Your wife’s best shoes have steel toes.

You’re a redneck … your hairdo has ever

You’re a redneck if…. A ceiling fan has ever ruined your hairdo.

Virgina Girl

A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said ‘No Way! You’re going to By-God West Virginia Univ.’ Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to a man from Richmond, VA [...]

Impotent Farmer

An impotent farmer was having trouble in bed for close to a year now and he just didn’t know what to do. He ate Viagra like M&M’s but it never seemed to help. Well anyways the farmer had a couple cows that he wanted to breed, and he went down to his neighbor farmer to [...]

You consider pork and beans

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

Your momma calls you over

Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire…on her houseThe ASPCA raids your kitchen.You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get

True Redneck

You know youre a true redneck when your house starts rolling down hill.

Ventriloquist Cowboy

A ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog: Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?” Rancher: “This dog don’t talk!” Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?” Dog: “Doin alright” Rancher: (Extreme look of shock) Cowboy: “Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)” Dog: [...]

You might be a redneck if your daddy…

You might be a redneck if your daddy walked you to school and you are both in the same grade.