Archive for the ‘poems’ Category

Love Is a Gamble!

Love is a gamble Kissing is a game Boys do the fucking Girls get the blame 9 months of pain 6 days in hospital Baby needs a name Daddies a barstard Mummies a hore It would never of happened If the rubber hadn’t tore!

Birdie

Birdie, birdie in the sky, Why’d you do that in my eye, I’m not mad, I won’t cry, I’m just glad that cows don’t fly.

Father Father

Father Father I must confess, I got my girlfriend in an awful mess. I laid her down so naked and bare, I stuck something up her that shouldn’t have been there. Son son you stupid fucker. When I was your age I used something rubber. Father father no need to get upset. I did use [...]

The Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook, It was time for some for some pussy, fuck reading that book. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just [...]

Hard Luck

There was an old lady from hardwick, By a cricket ball she was struck. And now it reads on her tombstone, Hardwick, Hard ball, Hard luck.

Bathroom rhymes and graffiti (Part 8)

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 160 =————————————– Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat. Found on the men’s room wall at Cogan’s in Norfolk, VA. -= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 161 =————————————– This is a teepee for your peepee Not a wigwam [...]

Shootin at a squirel

This is a story about a man named Jed Poor mountainier barely kept his family feed Then one day he was shootin at a squiral Up popped up, a beautiful girl Naked that is, big tits and everything Next thing you know old Jeds in bed Hoofin and poofin till his balls turn red Nine [...]

William Tell Syndrome

I shot an arrow in the air. Where did it land? Hey I don’t care It’s probably embedded into some old oak, But I’m not gonna go look for it, ‘Cuz it’s probably broke! Or maybe it’s in someone’s skull. For the sake of their family, I hope that arrow was dull! If it wasn’t [...]

Before toilets

THIS POEM IS DEVOTED TO: All those without johns In days of old when knights were bold and toilets were not yet invented,They took their load by the road and went on contented.

Toilet Graphety

If You sprinkle While you tinkle Be a sweaty Wipe the seaty

Bitches -vs- Pimps

The infamous “Bitch Poem” Ahhh Women… Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess I have two mounds upon my bodice I shave my legs, I sit down to pee I can justify any shopping spree Not to a barber, but a beauty salon Can get a massage without a hard on Can balance the checkbook, [...]

naughty poems

POEM # 1 I like your style I like your class but most of all i like your ass POEM # 2 Im a cool girl, in a cool town it takes a real mother fucker to put me down POEM # 3 Kissing is a habit Fucking is a game Guys get all the [...]

Here I Sit Poking…

As I sit here gently poking, I think of all the dick I could be stroking.

What ever I say, say so I did

I went in the woods. So I did. I shoot a deer. So I did. I brought him home. So I did. I cut his weenie. So I did. I fed it to the dog and the dog didn’t eat it. So I did.

A Woman From Rowjob

There once was a woman from Rowjob She sure knew how give a blowjob If you want a suck your out of luck Cause I married that woman from Rowjob.

I Was Here Nut Now I’m Not

I was here but now I’m not, I left my name to turn you on, If this feeling is just too great, Pull down your pants and masturbate.

Twisted Stuff

late one night in the middle of the day, two dead soldiers got up to fight, back to back they faced each other, pulled out their swords and shot one another, a deaf policeman heard the noise and shot the twice dead boys, if you don’t believe me ask the blind man who saw it [...]

I Will Love You Always

We’ve had our good times, we’ve had our bad. Sometimes you’ve made me happy, sometimes you made me mad. I know you’ve got your failing, you know I got mines. Neither of us is perfect, but it does no good to wine. Sometimes you forget my birthday, sometimes you’re not so cleaver. But all of [...]

Lady Named Dott

There once was a lady named Dott, who lived on pig shit and snot, if she couldn’t get these, she would eat the green cheese, which she scraped from the sides of her twat.

Young man from Aberdeen

The was a young man from Aberdeen, Who invented a cock stroking machine, on the 25th stroke, the goddamn thing broke, and beat his balls to cream.

Love

Love is a sensatoin that hurts like an operation when a boy sticks his dicktation into a girl’s combulation. You start a conversation, he says your cute, he says your fine but when the baby comes he says it isn’t mine. The daddy’s a bastard, the momma’s a whore the baby woldn’t be here if [...]

love

one day walking on the street i saw a man love at first sight

Jack and Jill

jack and jill went up the hill to smoke a little leaf jack got high pulled down his fly and jill said where’s the beef

It’s raining, It’s pouring…

It’s raining, it’s pouring The old man is whoring, He jumped in bed, and got some head, and didn’t pay up until the morning

Dead.

There was a young man from Belgrave Who found a dead whore in a cave It does take some pluck to have a cold fuck But think of the money you save!!!