Archive for the ‘one liners’ Category

Whale Watching

Yo mamma is so big. The people that live near her put up signs “Free Whale Watching!”

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue ……

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue …

He has a small piece

He has a small piece of brain lodged in his skull

Support Cannibalism — Eat Me!

Support Cannibalism — Eat Me!

It was all so different

It was all so different before everything changed. -Ashleigh Brilliant

Why is the time of

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Your photographs do you an

Your photographs do you an injustice. They all look like you! Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?…

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Midget Faggot

Q: What is the difference between a regular faggot and a midget faggot? A: Regulars come out of the closet; midgets come out of the cupboard.

I’m not as think as

I’m not as think as you drunk I am

If peanut butter cookies are

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

Traintracks

Ya mamma is like traintracks…. She gets laid around the country!

Bingo

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A: A bingo machine. Submitted by Curtis Edited by Glaci

As you read the scroll,

As you read the scroll, it vanishes…

Boyz-2-Men

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?? A: He thought it was a delivery service.

…about as funny as roman

…about as funny as roman candles on a birthday cake.

Exercise class

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

Support mental health or I’ll

Support mental health or I’ll kill you.

Mass murderer

Frankly, I didn’t know my neighbor was a mass ax murderer, until I heard he received a three month suspended sentence.

“V.P. Dan Quayle thought that

“V.P. Dan Quayle thought that Roe vs. Wade is an argument over alternative ways to cross the Potomac River.”

Complain here!

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

Sad life

How do you know you’re leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Let’s just be friends.” Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Yisman

Wandering mind

Why is it dangerous to let your man’s mind wander? It’s too little to be out alone. Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Yisman

What’s in the Underpants?

Q: What’s brown and often found in children’s underpants? A: Michael Jackson’s hand.

Tennis elbow

If tennis players get tennis elbow, what do gynecologists get? Tunnel vision! Submitted by Curtis Eduted by yisman