Archive for the ‘news of the weird’ Category

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut: The New York Times, November 22Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find: The Los Angeles Times, November 2′Light’ meals are lower in fat, calories: Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30Alcohol ads promote drinking: The Hartford Courant, November 18Malls try to attract shoppers: The Baltimore Sun, October 22Official: Only rain [...]

Watching the boy grow up…

Tell you about my kid after he got his BowFlex. It’s 2:00 in the AM when I get home and the up-stairs light is on. Go in there and he is doing an incline bench press and ahs the TV turned on with 1/2 dressed women. I asked him what he was watching, “an HBO [...]

Kitty Toys

Kitty ToysToo Absurd Not to be TrueCalling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal.I simply mentioned that I had sustained [...]

Consulting Advice in the Restaurant Biz

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization… Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out [...]

Teaching Math through the years

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?Teaching Math in [...]

Coffee Poop (Dave Barry)

Dave Barry Column:November 7, 1997, in the Miami Herald Decaf Poopacino I have exciting news for anybody who would like to pay a lot of money for coffee that has passed all the way through an animal’s digestive tract.And you just know there are plenty of people who would. Specialty coffees are very popular these [...]

Christmas Tree

A guy farted in a elevator. He took out an air freshner. Another guy got on the elevator. The first guy asked” What do you think of the smell?” The second guy anwsered,” It smells like someone poped under a Christmas Tree!”

British Left Waffles on Falkland

British Left Waffles on Falkland islands Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms Eye Drops off Shelf Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

New English Words and Phrases ’97

One of the great joys of modern American English is the enthusiasm we have for new words and word usages. It drives the folk for whom English is a Second (or fourth or tenth) Language, absolutely nuts I hear… You’ve heard the slang phrase ‘Going Postal’. Here are some more examples, from the book ‘Jargon [...]

Adminstratium

Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium. This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, [...]

Fun Factoids

[Some of these ideas are news to me, so I've decided to share... however I do not vouch for their accuracy]DID YA KNOW?Why do dimes, quarters and half dollars have notched edges, while pennies and nickels do not? The US Mint began putting notches on the edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage [...]

Hmmmm: Why Oh Why Ask Why?

How Specs Live ForeverThe US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because [...]

The Top 15 Ben & Jenny’s Ice Cream Flavors

15> Vanilla Caramel Split 14> Slight Pop-Culture Ripple 13> Berry Berry Boring 12> Caramelgeddon 11> Chock Full o’ Media Coverage 10> Boysenbootylicious 9> New York Super Couple Blow Chunks 8> Big Ol’ Butt-erscotch 7> Second Banana Split 6> Please, Not S’More 5> Rocky Road to the Altar 4> Cherry Lopez — NOT! 3> Junky Trunky [...]

News: Impersonating your wife

Joshua Marete Mutuma, 32, was arrested in Modesto, Calif., on suspicion of impersonating his wife, who had a restraining order against him. Mutuma arrived at the courthouse dressed as a woman with a long black wig and five o’clock shadow, talking in falsetto as he attempted to have the restraining order dismissed.——————–Ordered to submit a [...]

Warning Labels

The scary part is somebody must have done it before they wrote the label. . .Ray-O-Vac batteries: “WARNING: If swallowed or lodged in ear or nose, see doctor.”Axius Sno-Off Automobile Windshield Cover: “WARNING: Never drive with the cover on your windshield.”Batman, The Animated Series Armor Set Halloween Costume box: “WARNING: Cape does not enable wearer [...]

More darwin awards…

It’s that time of year once again…Time for this year’s Darwin Awards First Place – Candidate for this years Darwin Awards. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down into [...]

Slow down for her

BARHAM, England, Jan 26 (AFP) – A roadside poster of the Czech supermodel Eva Herzegova taking off her T-shirt has succeeded in slowing cars outside a road safety campaigner’s home.Cyril Long, 62, hit on the idea of placing the provocative picture of the Wonderbra model in his garden in Barham, eastern England, after motorists repeatedly [...]

Latin Course To Be Canceled–No

Latin Course To Be Canceled–No Interest Among Students, Et Al.Diaper Market Bottoms OutCroupiers On Strike–Management: “No Big Deal”Stadium Air Conditioning Fails–Fans ProtestQueen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Theories

A contest was held for people to submit their theories on any subject. 4th RUNNER-UP: If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world’s great literary works in Braille.3rd [...]

The New Hatfields and McCoys

True news articleUNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE — The Pikeville, Ky., City Commission has granted permission to the McCoy family to hold a three-day reunion in June 2000, to which members of the Hatfield family have been invited for a McCoy-Hatfield softball game. (During the 1870s and 1880s, the two Appalachian families had one of the most [...]

Journalism

Jon Snow: “In a sense, Deng Xiaoping’s death was inevitable, wasn’t it?” Expert: “Er, yes.” (Channel 4 News) “As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other.” (John Sleightholme – BBC1) “If England are going to win this match, they’re going to have to score a [...]

Russian Export Rules

Seems this Russian wine exporter was trying to get his product past a bureaucrat who insisted on a payoff. The bureaucrat quoted a figure of $10,000 to let the shipment past his checkpoint. The exporter replied that the price seemed a little high — as for only $2000 he could have the bureacrat killed. The [...]

Grammer and advertising

REAL ADS THAT DERIVE THEIR HUMOR FROM MISPLACEMENT, MISUSE.Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served bywaitresses in appetizing forms.Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawersFour-poster bed, [...]

Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are

Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear: Journal of Commerce, April 20Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person: The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2Lack of brains hinders research: The Columbus Dispatch, April 16How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Hart: Boulder, Colorado, Sunday [...]

A Train Wreck Waiting to Happen

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?” Tom says, [...]