Archive for the ‘music’ Category

Banjo joke

Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo?A: They make good paddles.

Clarinet joke

Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?A: Gifted.

Music joke

Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?A: A new age song.

Oboe joke

Q: How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?A: Steal his batteries.

Harp joke

A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune.

The Top 15 Worst Blues Singer Names

15. Willie “White Shoes After Labor Day” Lumpkin 14. Charlie “Sittin’ in First Class & Cheerful as Hell” Pickett 13. Al “Lightnin’” Gore 12. The Suspiciously Clean-Shaven, Well-Coiffed Artist in the Dark Glasses Who Won’t Admit That He Was Formerly Known As John Tesh And is Now Playing Barrelhouse Boogie-Woogie To Earn A Buck 11. [...]

Viola joke

Q: How is lightning like a violist’s fingers?A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

Drum joke

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?A: A drummer.

The Top 12 Signs a Rapper Has Gone Nuts

12> Stopped wearing a sideways baseball cap, and started wearing a tin-foil Napoleon hat. 11> Asks the press and to call him “G. Dubya.” 10> Shows up at his next concert wearing a Catholic schoolgirl dress and raps about the cruelty of living under “Da Momma Supe.” 9> “All work ‘n’ no play makez Ice [...]

Drum joke

Looking to buyA man walks into a shop. “You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremolo?””You’re a drummer, aren’t you?””Yeah. How’d you know?””This is a travel agency.”

Bass joke

Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one.

The Top 15 Questions on the Spice Girl Job Application

15. In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job. 14. Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your hooters? 13. Would it, like, bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred? 12. How would you best describe yourself? ( ) An energetic self-starter ( ) [...]

Clarinet joke

Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?A: So they can park in the handicap zones.

Orchestra joke

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

The Top 20 Country-Western Rap Artists

20> SixPac Shakur 19> The Dixie Bizznitches 18> Hay-Z 17> ODV (Ol’ Dirty Varmint) 16> Whoa Nelly! 15> Coolio-lay-dee-hooo! 14> Mixmaster Merle 13> N.R.A. 12> C. Twitty 11> Snoop Hounddy Houndd 10> DJ Jazzy Jeb and the Fresh Prince of Cheyenne 9> The Bestiality Boys 8> Ma-Rule 7> Ol’ Dirty Haggard 6> 2 Live Chickens [...]

Viola joke

Q: What is the difference between grapes and a viola?A: You take off your shoes to stamp on grapes.

English horn joke

Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player?A: I’ll tell you when I meet one.

Drum joke

Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?A: So they don’t disgrace themselves at the parade.

The Top 12 Most Popular Rap Songs (Part II)

12. “Gettin’ Piggy Wit It” 11. “Me So Corny” 10. “Popeye’s Be Illin’” by Run KFC 9. “I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl Who Murdered Dear Old Dad” 8. “Assume the Position” by Marky Mark Fuhrman 7. “Def Printer Jam” by Toner Lo 6. “I Left My Heat in San Francisco” 5. “Impeach [...]

Trombone joke

Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.

The Top 20 Concert Lineups We’d Like to See

20> Ben Folds 5/Cardigans 19> Suicidal Tendencies/The Fall/Pavement/Wham!/Pulp 18> Lords of the New Church/Jesus Jones: Kool-Aid presents the Guyana Relief Tour 17> Talking Heads/Simple Minds 16> The Dixie Chicks/Bush 15> Red Hot Chili Peppers/Flaming Lips/Hole 14> XTC/Morphine/Jane’s Addiction 13> The Beatles/The Crickets/Adam Ant/Black Flag 12> Dolly Parton/Mountain 11> No Doubt/Gorillaz/Blow Monkeys/Better Than Ezra 10> Phish/Taco [...]

How To Sing The Blues (A Guide)

1. Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning.” 2. ” I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line, like “I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.” 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line [...]

Bass joke

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one – but the guitarist has to show him first.

Viola joke

Q: Why can’t you hear a viola on a digital recording?A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

Musician joke

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it’s electrified.