Archive for the ‘movies & tv’ Category

Some Star Wars: A New Hope Questions Answered

Many people seem to not enjoy these movies because they think “that could never happen” and things like that. These are the answers to the most commonly asked questions. Hopefully, you will finally find peace. STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE (Episode V + VI to come) Q: Why do the Stormtroopers wear that clumsy body [...]

Green and Smells Like Sausage

What’s green and smell like sausage?? Kermit inside of Miss. Piggy.

wank club

I’m British and so I use the word wank a lot. If you didn’t know wank means masturbate. I found out something funny during the film Fight Club. In the scene when Brad Pitt is explaining the rules change the word fight for wank. Try this the next time you watch the film. One of [...]

The Wisdom of Will Rogers

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n putting’ it back in. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there. After eating an entire [...]

Blone: Job Interview: Indiana Jones

There were three girls waiting to have a job interview. One was a brounette, one was a red head and the other one was a blone. The brounette was called up first. The job interview was fine and at the end the guy asked, “How many D’s in Indiana Jones?” And the brounette imidetly answered, [...]

Top 11 signs you watch too much TV

11) You end telephone conversations with the phrase, “You are the weakest link. Goodbye!” 10) You wonder why the people at TV guide have never won the Pulitzer Prize. 9) Your lifelong dream is to say “Live from New York, its Saturday Night!!” You keep wooden stakes and garlic handy in case Buffy ever needs [...]

Stranded

I wish we wernt stranded on this iceburg steven whats for dinner we can have ratsoup ratdogs or roastrat whats for desert icetea and snow balls. Wait i think i can see something get the telascope yes its a ship were saved yes whats it called the titanic.

Hillbilly Sound

There was a magician and his aprentice on top of a mountain. The magician said to his apprentice, “I need two dead people for my next experiment.” So the apprentice went down the mountain and found two dead people. There liscenses showed they were Mrs. Hill and Mr. Hill. He took them up the mountain [...]

Austin Powers Pick up lines

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long. 2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)….Let’s get you out of these wet clothes. 3. Nice legs…what time do they open? 4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. 5. You’ve got [...]

Things I Have Learned From Watching Soap Opera

1. Everybody has a child that they gave up for adoption, or don’t know they have, appears one day out of the blue as an adult. 2. 90% of the children are not with their biological parent or parents. If you do have kids, they either die or get some horrible disease that is “cured.” [...]

Norm Peterson’s Famous Quotes

“Can I draw you a beer Norm?” “No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.” “How’s a beer sound Norm?” “I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.” “What’s shaking Norm?” “All four cheeks and a couple of chins.” “What would you say to a nice beer Normie?” [...]

Hit Television Shows in Iraq

“Husseinfeld” “Mad About Everything” “U.S. Military Secrets Revealed” “Suddenly Sanctions” “Allah McBeal” “Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest” “Matima Loves Chachi” “The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show” “Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs” “Wheel of Fortune and Terror” “Iraq’s Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers” “Achmed’s Creek” “The Price is Right If Saddam Says It’s [...]

Er… Scottie?

A quote from Star Trek: “Very funny Scottie, now beam down my clothes.”

Harry

i don’t care, the movie “Harry Potter” SUCKED!!!!!!!! i think you need to be a potthead to even enjoy it let alone like it, so the movie should be called “Harry Potthead!” see NOW the title explanes its self! the book was ok, but the movie….OH…god help us!

Things the Movies Really Teach Us

3rd base does not feel like apple pie, it feels like vulcanized rubber. This can lead to much pain with continued thrusting. You can get anywhere with a little luck and a box of chocolates. Hard work, intelligence, its all crap. If you are a brave heart, shut up now. You’ll only get you and [...]

Yo Mama at the Movies

Yo’ mama is so fat, when she goes to the movies, they open up a seperate snack bar just for her.

George of the Jungle vs Titanic

Prepare yourself. I have uncovered information that may shock and upset you. Much like the Kennedy/Lincoln connections, it has come to my attention that George of the Jungle and Titanic are basically the same movie. While looking at the cultural values of films in my Lit class, I accidently stumbled across this exciting news. GEORGE: [...]

hot

is it hot in here or am i sweatin!

The boy who couldn’t talk

There once was a boy who had a voice, but never chose to speak. That is because his parents once told him if he opened his mouth, spiders would crall in. He hated spiders. Well one day he took a walk with his mom. But what he didn’t know, is she and the boys dad [...]

Austin Powers Tiff

From USA Today, June 23 1999 Tamatha Brannon of suburban Atlanta said Tuesday that she has filed an obscenity complaint against Toys’R’Us because her 11-year-old son picked up an Austin Powers doll that asked, “Do I make you horny, baby, do I?” Exposure to the doll forced a vocabulary word on her son “that he [...]

Fun things to do with your tv

Adjust the tint so that the people are green and insist to others that “you like it like that” Fiddle with all the knobs constintly Change chanels 5 minutes before the end of each show Take it everywhere with you Name it When anyone else touches the remote shriek “THATS MINE!” Ask the people on [...]

Medieval Pickup Lines (part 1)

Medieval Pick-Up Lines “Hey, Princess, you wouldn’t happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?” “Been there, slain that.” “Your hovel or mine?” “Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my longsword in action?” “Every second of every hour of every day is like a thousand knives of [...]

What I Learned From Horror Movies

If you ever find yourself in a horror movie situation…..always remember this. 1. If you say “I’ll be right right back”…….you’re not coming back. 2. If you decide to sit in a the chair in the middle of a old dreary cob-webbed room, and the door closes behind you…. it’s not the wind…and you might [...]

Star Trek vs. Toilet Paper

What does Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper have in Common? They both go aroung Uranus (your anus) looking for Cling-ons (Klingons).

Questions, Questions

Why is it that to stop Windows 95 or 98, you have to click on “Start”? Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why doesn’t glue stick to [...]