Some statisticians don’t drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots.

## Archive for the ‘math’ Category

## Statistical one-liner

The most important statistic for car manufacturers is autocorrelation.

## Statistical one-liner

Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.

## Statistical one-liner

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who made a career change and became an surgeon specializing in ob/gyn?A: His specialty was histerectograms.

## Math one-liner

If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.

## Proof E equal to one

Theorem: e=1Proof:2*e = f2^(2*pi*i)e^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i)e^(2*pi*i) = 1Therefore:2^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i)2=fThus:e=1

## Math one-liner

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

## Statistical one-liner

Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed?

## Risk of plane bombs

A mathematician and a non-mathematician are sitting in an airport hall waiting for their flight to go. The non has terrible flight panic.”Hey, don’t worry, it’s just every 10000th flight that crashes.””1:10000? So much? Then it surely will be mine!””Well, there is an easy way out. Simply take the next plane. It’s much more probable [...]

## The fate of marriages

It is often cited that there are half as many divorces as marriages in the US, so one concludes that average marriages have a 50% chance of ending by divorce. While I was a graduate student, among my peers there were twice as many divorces as marriages, leading us to conclude that average marriages would [...]

## Statistical one-liner

80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot.

## Statistical one-liner

There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.

## Debate about the box

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it’s a pretty good working solution. “No no,” says the physicist, “there’s a [...]

## Reducing travel risk

There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then slow down again once he’d got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast [...]

## Log negative one zero

Theorem: log(-1) = 0Proof:a. log[(-1)^2] = 2 * log(-1)On the other hand:b. log[(-1)^2] = log(1) = 0Combining a) and b) gives:2* log(-1) = 0Divide both sides by 2:log(-1) = 0

## Statistical one-liner

According to a recent survey, 33 of the people say they participate in surveys.

## The results of statistics

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed2. All polar bears are left-handed3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles3. Work stuffs up your eyesight1. All dogs are animals2. All [...]

## Statistical one-liner

Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?A: Check the p-value.

## Crocodile is longer

Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let’s look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green.Lemma 2. The crocodile is [...]

## Statistical one-liner

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees?A: It’s referred to as the log scale.

## PROOF THAT ALL ODD NUMBERS ARE PRIME

: Mathmatician — 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the rest follows by induction. Statistician — 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is expermental error so throw it out, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, the rest follows by induction. Computer Scientist — 3 is prime, 5 is [...]

## Mathematical baby formula

Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply.