Archive for the ‘little johnny’ Category

I can fly

Three men were on top of the empire state building. The first man’s name was Clark the second man’s name was Joey and the thirds name was Jo Momma. Joey was drunk so Clark decided to play a little joke on him. Clark said,” Yo Joey if u jumped of this building tbe air would [...]

The alphabet

Jimmy was in kindergarten and had to go to the bathroom. His teacher made him recite the alphabet before going to the bathroom. “ok””

Three daughters

There were three daughters who wanted to know how they got they’re names. So the first daughter asks her father, “Daddy

Retarded boy

once upon a time their was a boy named jason.Everyone called him retarded because he acted retarted.They went to the zoo and the first thing they went to go see was the sharks.One boy said” what is that with the sharp teeth””

2 boys & a cathlic school!

There were two little mistief boys who were always in trouble in school. One day they took it too far and got thrown out of that school and into a cathlic school, they were constantly in trouble there too. Until oneday, they were called up to the head nun’s office and given a lecture. One [...]

The Alphabet

There was a boy who had just learned his ABC’s and couldn’t wait to present them to his class. When he went to school he presented. He sang, “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO_QRSTUVWXYZ.”” Then the teacher said

Know I know my ABC’s…

There was a little kid who needed to learn the ABC’s for homework. He went to his big sister who was talking on the phone. “What’s the first letter of the alphabet?”” “”Shutup!”” Next he went to his older brother who was in the bathroom. “”What’s the second letter of the alphabet?”” “”Down the toliet

Morgan’s night

Well, Morgan came home one night. She was 16 at this time. She found her old friend, Joey lying in her bed, with his shirt off. He turned his head and spotted Morgan! Morgan Clark walked over to him and asked,” Joey””? “”YEAH

Bud

This guy walks in a bar and he was wasted. He stumbled up to the bartender and asks in the most serious of voices, Does “BUD”” REALLY make you “”WEISER””??? The bartender quietly leans over the bar and says to the man “”Obviously Not

Kids Today!

7 year old Johnnie to teacher.”Please miss

Bill Cosby

One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday the teacher asks: “How many grains of sand are on the beach?”” [...]

Parents Away

A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a house. A kid, about 12 years old, answers the door. He’s wearing a pink tutu, has a cigar in one hand, and a martini in the other. The salesman is a little taken back, so he asks, ‘Excuse me, son, are your parents home?’ The kid [...]

The Top 16 Titles for Madonna’s Children’s Books

16> Hop on Pop Star 15> Willy Wanker and the Chocolate-Flavored Lotion 14> The Little Roadie Who Couldn’t 13> Snow White and Her Gay Cult Following 12> Curious George and the Big Cone Bra 11> Heather Has a Long String Of Cheap, Meaningless Daddies 10> The Amazing Adventures of Harry Beaver 9> Harlot’s Web 8> [...]

Perfect penis

There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, “What is a penis?” The boy replied, “I don’t know.” At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He [...]

Knock-Knocks 4 Kids Galore

Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Rita. Rita who? Rita book, you might learn something. Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Police. Police who? Police open the door, I’m tired of knocking. Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Henrietta. Henrietta who? Henrietta worm that was in his apple. Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Carrie. Carrie who? Carrie on with what you’re doing, [...]

Carpooling

For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children’s soccer practices. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn’t be able to take my turn. A few minutes before she was due to pick up my [...]

ADD Lightbulb

How many kids with ADD does it take to skrew in a lightbulb? Want to go ride a bike?

I’m A Chicken

Psychiatrist: What is your problem? Patient: I think I’m a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Taken Apart

Little Jonny asked his mother “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?” “Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?” replied by his mother Little Jonny answered ” The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his [...]

No new bike

For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front [...]

Squirrel?

A pastor was giving the children’s message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children’s church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, [...]

Untitled

What did the plow say to the tractor? Pull me closer John Deer.

Kid Axioms

“Accent asked students at Columbus’ Beck School, and Dublin’s Chapman Elementary to study a list of 20 axioms with the key words missing.” These are my favorites: If you can’t stand the heat, get a Pool. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the oven. A bird in the hand is messy. Don’t [...]

Gold Coins

This is actually a true story that happened to one of our readers, but it’s as funny as any joke we’ve heard: One day on the way home from work, I stopped at the local Pharmacy and while I was checking out, I picked up some candy to take home for me and my 7-year [...]

True Story

True Story about my 14 month old grandson, Alex: We took him to the local mall shopping one day, and used a ‘kiddy harness’ to keep track of him, since he’s an active little dickens and loves to walk and explore. As we stood watching the marvel of the escalator, a teenager headed up the [...]