Archive for the ‘light bulbs’ Category

Q: How many classical

Q: How many classical music singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None – “Impossible. The altitude may put unnecessary strain on my vocal chords. Have the bassist do it.”

Untitled joke

How many government agents does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. There never was any light bulb. All you saw was a reflection from swamp gas.

Q: How many bassists

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: It doesn’t matter. Nobody will notice anyway.

How many KGB agents does it take to change…

How many KGB agents does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw it in and the other to check it for microphones.

Q: How many Apple

Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a lightbulb?A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they’re arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the [...]

Q: How many actors

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one. They don’t like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many Democratic

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?A: (Bruce Babbitt) It’s foolish to talk about screwing in light bulbs when we haven’t even taken the first step, and that is to remove the old bulb. I challenge my fellow candidates to stand up with me and [...]

Q: How many Reagans

Q: How many Reagans does it take to change a light bulb?A: What light bulb?Note: Topical to Reagan’s apparent poor memory.

Q: How many conservatives

Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

Q: How many roadies

Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One: Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have [...]

Blondes to Change a Light Bulb

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? Five. Two to get a chair, one to get drinks, one to get a radio, and another to call daddy for help.

Q: How many keyboardists

Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: “Oh, just one. But this bulb won’t do. You want to use a 3-way bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month GE will be coming out …. “

Q: How many Italian-Americans

Q: How many Italian-Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: I don’t know exactly, but my brother’s girlfriend’s father’s boss’ secretary’s sister’s next door neighbors’ priest’s cousin’s union shop steward’s uncle’s Knights Of Columbus club Seargant-of-Arms nephew’s best friend did it real cheap for me once.

Q: How many Pentium

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Three. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the ladder….

Q: How many Canadians

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Five. One to screw in the bulb and the other four to call out “Get Back!, Get Back!”.

Q: How many aerospace

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?A: None. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, you know.

How many Filipinoes does it take to screw…

How many Filipinoes does it take to screw in a light bulb? We don’t know. The new bulb keeps getting shot at the airport.

Q: How many presidential

Q: How many presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?A: 220! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates can’t even spell “lightbulbe”, eighteen to find out what the other candidates did [...]

Q: How many roadies

Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One, two ! One, two ! One, two !

Q: How many Beverly

Q: How many Beverly Hills residents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: None, they have a service come in and do that.

Q: How many televangelists

Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?A: None. They screw in hotel rooms.

Q: How many neural

Q: How many neural nets does it take to change a light bulb ?A: f’(x) = delta Sum log (HOUSE) / d(HOUSE)

How many IBM types does it take to change…

How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb? 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only “This page intentionally left blank”, and 20% of the definitions are of the form “A …… consists of [...]

Q: How many Brown

Q: How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One–and that’s what his degree will be in! Note: Because Brown has no real core curriculum.

Q: How many Republicans does

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two–one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.