Archive for the ‘jokes for nerds’ Category

Window washers

There were 3 male windowwashers. One Mexican one American and one Polish. At lunch break one day the Mexican opened his lunch and got a burrito. He said,”man if i get another burrito im gonna jump.”” The American said

THREE GUYS AND A FARMER

OK THREE GUYS GET STRANDED IN THE COUNTRY AND A FARMER FINDS THEM AND LETS THEM SLEEP IN HIS HOME.HE TELLS THEM THEY MAY STAY THERE BUT THEY MAY NOT TOUCH OR GO NEAR HIS SEXY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER OR ELSE HE WILL KILL THEM.SO FINALLY THE FARMER GOES TO SLEEP THE FIRST GUY GOES DOWN [...]

Bubbd Died in A Fire

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, “Yup

Three Aggies and A Mushroom

There were three idiots and a mushroom. The first idiot says to the mushroom, “Do you want to know the sound of an angry goose running from a dog in the local park?”” The mushroom doesn’t answer so the three idiots answered for it. “”Honk

Hillbillys and a sick donkey

One morning, a hillbilly went to feed his donkey and it wouldn’t eat.The hillbilly went to get the other hillbilly and they both took him to the vet.The vet told them the donkey had a cold,so she gave him these big,round horse pills.She told the hillbillys to stick the pills up the donkeys “anis”” when [...]

3 men

Three men were builing a bridge and they decided to take a lunch brake. The first man opened his lunch and said”If i get pasta for lunch one more time i am gonna jump off this bridge”” The second man opened his lunch a exclaimed””If i get a hotdog for lunch one more time i’m [...]

Why Blondes are so THICK!

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening. As it turned out, however, the wife wasn’t having a good [...]

Sandwhichs at lunch time

There were three guys (black, white, mexican) who worked as construction workers. They built buildings and stuff. Everyday at lunch they always got the same kind of sanwhich. ex. black dude got turkey, white dude got jelly, and the mexican dude got ham. One day they were on top of a building in which they [...]

Dear Son…

Dear SonI am writing this slow cause I know you can’t read fast.We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happened within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address cause the last family that lived here [...]

Two Smart Guys and one Idiot

There once was three explorers, an english explorer, a spanish explorer, and a polish explorer an idiotwere exploring an island and they got captured by vikings. The Vikings said they would kill the explorers and cut their skin off their bodies to use as boats because the Vikings boat sank. The Vikings said they would [...]

Great Tips and Suggestions

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. Lose [...]

Ashes to Ashes

A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he’s looking [...]

You should go home….

You should go home.

3 guys!

three guys are out in a bar and one of them have green hair and one has red and the other has blond!A blond chick comes up and says hey babys how did you get your hair that way? the blond hair guy i dyed it! the red hair guy i dyed it! the green [...]

The pope and the queen

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony, beaming at the thousands of people in the courtyard below. The Queen said to the Pope out of the side of her mouth, ‘I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of [...]

Locked Volkswagens

Two Volkswagens had their bumpers locked and the drivers were unsuccessfully trying to disengage them when a little old lady wino shuffled onto the scene.’Tell you what to do, boys,’ she cackled, ‘Throw a bucket of water on ‘em!’

Population Control

A population control program had been introduced to the island, but the doctors were having trouble getting the women to take their birth control pills. They decided, therefore, to concentrate on teaching the men to wear condoms.One of the men who came in had had eight children in eight years, and the doctor told him [...]

When necessary, metric and inch tools can…

When necessary, metric and inch tools can be used interchangeably.

Off the cliff!

The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. “Good lord, mister,” he gasped, “are you drunk?” “Of course,” said the man, [...]

Irish Pudding

A Irishman went to the doctors with a hole in his earlobe and blisters all over his feet, the doctor asked: “What happened paddy?”Paddy replied, “I was opening a pudding an’ it said on the packet pierce ere and stand in boiling water”

Black people

Why dont Black people dream???? because the last one that did got shot

FAX!!

There were three guys in a steam room a european guy, a italian guy , and a chinese guy. They were all enjoying the steam and sweat when they heard a beeping sound the european guy pulled up his skin and said its my wife dont worry, the italian guy said “you have a beeper [...]

STUPID

YOUR SO STUPID YOU GOT STABBED IN A SHOOT OUT

Chanting at the Asylum

A man walks to work every day. On his way there he always passes the local insane asylum.Well, one day when he was walking by the asylum. He heard all the patients on the other side of the tall wood fence chanting “Fifteen, Fifteen”. He became very curious but had no way of knowing what [...]

What do you do if an idiot throws a grenade…

What do you do if an idiot throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.