Archive for the ‘governenment’ Category

Almost Caught Bin Laden

We almost caught Osama Bin Laden today. They sprayed the recently developed “Liquid Viagra” all over the mountains and inside the caves in Afghanistan and the little prick stood up.

Osma Bn Laden, Uncle Sam and the Canadian

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you each one wish. That’s three wishes total,” says the genie. The Canadian says, “I’m a farmer, my dad was a farmer, [...]

I Only Want 100

There was a little boy who prayed every night for two weeks, asking God for $100. When he got no response, he thought it would be a good idea to write to God and see if that worked. The post office received the letter addressed to “GOD, USA.” They decided that it would be best [...]

Clinton’s Back!

Knock Knock………. Who’s there? Monica…….. Monica Who? Very good Mr. President just like we practiced! Now lets go to that Press Meeting.

Tali-ban

there is a deodorant called (tali) ban. because YOU are a stinking terrorist! it is Osama strength, and comes in a new goat scent. made for camels, but fit for an asshole.

Republican Bill of Rights

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can ‘legally’ screw someone else acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is [...]

X-Files Top Ten Lines Never to Be Heard

10. “The alien is speaking, Agent Mulder….I think it wants to phone home.” 9. “Sure we could have these people killed to protect what they know, but wouldnt that be a little harsh?” 8. “Ive seen this one before, Scully. His name is Casper and he’s what you call a ‘friendly’ ghost.” 7. “Look under [...]

Republicans

You may be a republican if: – You think “proletariat” is a type of cheese. – You’ve named your kids “Deduction one” and “Deduction two” – You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. – You’ve ever referred to someone as “my [...]

Actual Dan Quayle Quotations

“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.” — J. Danforth Quayle “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” — J. Danforth Quayle “Republicans understand the importance of bondage [...]

License Plate

TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE ANSWER. It took the Division of Motor Vehicles 6 months to figure out and revoke this lady’s personalized license plate: 3M TA3 Can you tell why? See answer below. FIGURED IT OUT YET??????????????????????????? THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART, HUH? HERE IS THE ANSWER…………. It spells EAT ME [...]

rich Mayors

Once there was a meeting for the mayors across the U.S, they had to meet in the Indiana one, so then they met, and the one from New York was the first one to come, so then he saw the mansion full of silver ,4 basements down and 4 floors up with a huge swimming [...]

Title Dating Back to Its Origin

For those of you who have had to deal with governmental agencies, this will strike a familiar and then satisfying chord….. A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. [...]

The Democratic Party Symbol

Did you notice that the symbol for the Democratic Party is a jackass?

Castaway: "Final Thoughts"

“Have been here 1,500 days, heard Bush stole election- have decided to stay.”

Osama Lala’s

What do Osama’s men say after he gets real drunk and has a wild time? Osama’s Bin Lala What is Osama spelled backwards sound like? Amaso (I’m asshole) THE TALIBAN SONG (sung to the song of Proud to be American) Oh we control the country, From the caves to the city, We stand for buttheadism, [...]

The Clintons

Whay does Hillary always get on top during sex? Because Bill can only fuck up.

Apply for Social Security

Old Pa Jones tells old Ma Jones that he’s going into town to apply for social security. Ma says, “But Pa, you don’t have a birth certificate. How are you gonna prove your age?” “Now don’t you worry, Ma.” said Pa, and leaves for town. Sure enough he’s back in a few hours and reports [...]

Two-Cow Explanation

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You [...]

Pope in NYC

The Pope arrives in NYC for an important UN meeting. His flight is delayed, so he has only 15 minutes to get from JFK airport to the UN building. A car had of course has been arranged to pick him up — he is, after all, the Pope. The Pope tells the driver of his [...]

If You’re A Democrat You Believe:

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding. 2. You have to be against capital punishment but for abortion on demand – in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent. 3. You have to believe that the same overpaid public school idiot who can’t teach [...]

Bumper Stickers

Bumper stickers that I have actually seen: Official Government Policy: If it ain’t broke, fix it till’ it is. Just because you’re child was an honor student doesn’t mean you know anything. If you can read this than your close enough that I could slam and my brakes and sue you. (T-Shirt on a Motorcyclist) [...]

Clocks

Hilary Clinton got hit by a bus and went up to heaven. To get in though, she had to go see St. Peter. When she was in his office she saw a bunch of clocks. “What are all these clocks for?” she asked “Oh, those are lying clocks. When a person lies the hand moves.” [...]

Doctor’s Convention Year 00-01

Every year the top doctors of all the nations meet at this huge convention. Yeah, there’s short classes, etc. which they attend, but the real reason there always there is to “out do” each other. Well, this year at the convention, four doctors got to talking (bragging). The doctor from China says “Yep, let me [...]

bin laden and crabs

What do Bin Laden and crabs have in common? They both irritate Bush.

Free Hair Cuts

A priest went into a Washington D.C. barbershop and got his hair cut. He then asked how much he owed the barber. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” When the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer books on the [...]