Archive for the ‘gender’ Category

Being a guy is tops…

Your arsenal is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. Chocolate is just another snack. You never feel compelled to stop [...]

Men in a woman’s room!

A man was waiting in a long line for the man’s restroom when he saw that the lady’s room was about empty so he asked her if he could use it. She said, “You may. Just as long as u do not push any buttons.”” He agreed and ran in the door and in the [...]

What men really mean…

“I’m going fishing.”” Really means… “”I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid

Bar-B-Q Gril

An old woman and her old man were in the feild tending to the garden when the old man noticed his woman bent over and he said “Damn woman your ass is bigger than my new B.B.Q grill””. She replied “”Oh stop it Henry!”” Well he decided to go measure his new grill and it [...]

Flies

A woman walked into her kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly-swatter in his hand. “What are you doing?”” she asked. “”Hunting flies

Wallpapering

After wallpapering the living room herself, the wife glares at her husband sitting in his rocker reading and snaps, “I busted my butt for you today!”” The husband glances up from his paper and observes

Male/Female Phrases

Haven’t I seen you before? Nice ass. I’m a Romantic. “I’m poor. I need you. My hand is tired. I want a commitment. I’m sick of masturbation. You’re the only man I’ve ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn’t rejected me. I really want to get to know you better. So I [...]

River crossing

Three men walking through the woods get lost and find themselves at a raging river. As night begins to fall the men turn to prayer. 1st man: Dear God, please help me to cross this river. A rubber raft appears and the man paddles and fights his way across taking five hours. 2nd man: Dear [...]

Listening Passively

Listening Passively There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have [...]

UFO’s

How are men like UFOs? You don’t know where they come from, what their mission is, or what time they’re going to take off. Submitted by Curtis Edited by Yisman

Lil dick

yo dick so small its small

Rubbers

What does a stupid man do with 365 used rubbers?? Makes it a tire and calls it a Good Year.

Ignorance

The little brother of an Army radar operator asked, “Jim, tell me how does a radar work?” “The radar transmitter emits brief impulses of electromagnetic waves which are reflected from the target and received by a special receiver. Since the speed at which electromagnetic waves propagate is exactly known and the time they take to [...]

Weather

How is a man like the weather? Nothing can be done to change either one of them. Submitted by Curtis Edited by yisman

If Men got pregnant!

1. Maternity leave would last two years….with full pay. 2. There would be a cure for stretch marks. 3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. 4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem. 5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective. 6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet [...]

Saurkraut

A doctor had an affair with his nurse and a few months later, she became pregnant. He told her to go to Germany and send a postcard reading SAURKRAUT when she had the baby. One day, his wife called and told him that he had received a very strange postcard. He came home, read it [...]

The Perfect Day (according to him and her)

The perfect day according to HER: 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 pounds lighter on the scale 9:30 Light breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend’s/husband’s ex – notice she’s gained 30 lbs. 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two [...]

Irresistible

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says, “Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes.” The man says “Great! I always dreamed of this and [...]

10 things to never say to a naked man…

Uh…top 10 things not to say to a naked man: 10: Awww…that’s cute 9. Well, at least you’re good at other things 8. Do you think it’ll fit my old Barbie� clothes? 7. My li’l brother has one like that. 6. Are you cold? 5. ::giggles:: 4. Maybe we should just be friends 3. Can [...]

A night out at the Strip Joint

Dave works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife, Mary, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them [...]

The Top 10 Tips for Temporary Bachelors

When Mom and the kids go off for a few days and leave Dad behind to struggle on his own, it can be a painful thing for him to deal with. With that in mind, we thought we’d offer some help… 10> Don’t use the guest towels to mop up after your 36-hour porn-a-thon. 9> [...]

Typical Man

How many legs does a chicken have? A. Two. Right Q. And how many wings does a chicken have? A. Yes. Two. right again. Q. Well how many beaks does a chicken have? A. One. got it. Q. How many bones does a cat have? A. Typical man. Knows everything about cock and nothing about [...]

Men and trust.

Men — are you sure you can trust something that bleeds for seven days and still lives?

These 3 guys

There were these 3 guys and they were out walking in the woods, and had no idea where they were. All of a sudden it started pouring with rain. They were stumped if they knew what to do, so they found a hotel and asked if they could have 3 rooms. The concierge said that [...]

Education for women

Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.