Archive for the ‘food’ Category

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s why “they” call it: the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay [...]

Ice cream flavor galore

A January 1994 Reuters News Service story on Manuel Oliveira’s ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela, reported on his 567 flavors, including onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, spaghetti parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavors fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it [...]

Vanilla

A lady walks into a store and asks the clerk for a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of chocolate and a gallon of strawberries the clerk says i dont have any chocolate so the lady says ok ill take a quart of each and the clerk tells her again i dont have any chocolate so [...]

Black man, sex & chocolate biky’s

This chick goes to a bar and picks up this guy and they get talkin and they end up going back to her place. about an hour later her husband walks in and see’s this guys underwear on the floor. he says “next time i see another guyz pants on the floor im gunna pull [...]

Fruit Salad

Three guys who were lost at sea ended up landing on an unfamiliar island. After wandering around for a while, a group of natives picked them up and took them to their hut. The chief came up to them and said, “We will let you live, if you can go out into the jungle and [...]

Most dangerous Food!

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. “Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode the stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and few of us realize the long-term harm caused by [...]

Pickle juice

There was a building and the first floor had a pickle store. the second was nothing. the third floor was selling saws.one day a person went out on the porch of the second floor. the third floors manager droped a saw down. the saw cut the person’s ass then ass fell into a pickle jar. [...]

Balince diet

Q:What is a balince diet? A:The same amont of cokies in each hand!

The family crisis

This family is sitting around the table and the kids have some meat in front of them and dont know wut it is. moms on the phone and says “thanks for givin us the deer meat the kids love it but dont know wut it is”. the dad says ” the name of the meat [...]

Cyanide Watermelon

The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he [...]

The results of a study

About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didn’t have to.

Cohones de Toro…

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What is that you just [...]

Prime Mates

Two gay men{ Bobby and Peter) wre walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas, and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men (Peter) just can’t bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to [...]

FOOD

What’s the difference between a Triscuit and a lesbian? One’s a snack cracker, and the other’s a crack snacker.

Hot sauce

This man could not get his daughter to scream. She would not even scream when she was mad. So a man put a poster outside of his house that said, “If you can make my daughter scream you will get $5,000!” A white man, a black man, and a chianeese man went to the house [...]

Knife and falk

An italian walks into a hotel in malta and finds he has no sheet on his bed so he tells the owner” i want a shite on my bed ” the owner says you had better shit on the bed.

english, irishman, scotsman joke

There was an englishman irishman and a scotsman who worked on a buildin site. it was time for their dinner so the englishman opened his bait box and said “if i get cheese sandwiches tommorrow i will throw myself off that bridge” the scotsman and irishman say the same so the next day comes and [...]

Purchasing power of burgers

Cologne, May 27 dpa – The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many “Big Mac” hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany’s leading institutes.The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald’s restaurant chain is increasingly being used by [...]

Constantly complaining about the temperature

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and [...]

Food one-liner

Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”

CHEESE THAT ISNT YOURS

WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISNT YOURS? NACHO CHEESE!

Thin People Don’t

By Barbara Florio GrahamFrom McCall’s, June, 1983I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I’ve found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve [...]

Airline Food

It was mealtime during a trip on a small airline in the Northwest. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in coach. “What are my choices?” he asked. “Yes or no,” she replied.

Ten Top Ways to Annoy Your Waiter

Top ten ways to annoy your waiter From the Late Show with David Letterman – Friday, January 13, 1995 with revisions made by John Insor. 10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 9. Ask, “Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?” 8. After he describes each special, you shout, [...]

Vegetarianism

A man was talking to his friends about why he was a vegetarian. “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals,” he said, “I’m a vegetarian ’cause I HATE plants!”