Archive for the ‘farmers’ Category

The end of the Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons, when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of Indians. They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that there are hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of [...]

Farmers in the Basement

Q: What do you call a basement full of farmers? A: A whine-cellar

How Do You Count Cows?

Q: What does a farmer count his cows with? A: A Cow-culator!

Another farmers daughter

There was a traveling salesman whose car became hopelessly stuck in a snow bank during a recent blizzard in North Dakota. It took him several hours to make it to the nearest farm house, but frozen half to death, he finally reached the front door and knocked on it. A grizzled old farmer answered and [...]

New Rooster

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn’t hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns [...]

The Farmer’s Daughter

There was a men who is lost in a forest during a storm. He came to a house and knocked on the door. A farmer came out and asked, “what the hell do you want?” The man asked, “Could I spend a night here?” “Sure, but you can’t touch my daughter.” So the man was [...]

Two Cowboys are riding along a trail. . .

Two cowboys are riding along a trail in the mountains when they suddenly hear tom toms beating very close to them. ‘Oh! That doesn’t sound good,’ one says to the other. As soon as the words were spoken, an Indian jumps out from behind a tree and said, ‘Yeah, our regular drummer is out sick.’

Father Wouldn’t Like It

A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. “You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “Why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.” “No thanks,” said the young man. “My father wouldn’t like it.” [...]

Farmer’s Daughters Name Game

There was this farmer that was really protective of his three daughters. In fact , he always met their boyfriends at the door with a shotgun. At 5:30 Friday night , there was a knock at the door. The farmer answered it with his gun. The guy at the door said, “Hello, my name is [...]

Airplane Ride

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. “$10 for 3 minutes,” replied the pilot. “That’s too much,” said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a deal. If you [...]

Why New Yorkers Are Not Ranchers

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name. “Well,” said the would-be-cattleman. “I wanted to call it the Bar-J. My wife favored the Suzy-Q. One son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. [...]

Chinese Farmer’s Daughter

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?” “Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one [...]

Dead Farmer

When a farmer dies, why is he only buried six inches deep? So he can still get a hand out.

Shave and a bit more..

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, ‘I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.’ The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, [...]

A Good Deal

This guy was visitng the country one day and saw a for sale sign in front of a farm. The guy goes up to the farm and asks the farmer to show him around the farm. The farmer starts with the house and shows him all the rooms. The guy likes the house and tells [...]

Big Eared Mule

There were two farmers, neither one had much common sense. They were told by their boss to put the mule in the barn. When they led the mule over to the barn, they decided that the mule’s ears were to long and he would not fit into the barn. So they put their heads together [...]

King of the Roost

One day an old rooster who was the king of the hen house is approached by a young strong rooster who says, “You have been king of this hen house for a long time. It is time for me to step in and take over so I am calling you out. If I can take [...]

Comfortable

Ole and Lena’s bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn’t leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back [...]

Country Lane

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some [...]

Fruity Punishment

One day three salesmen went to a farmer. They asked him if he wanted to buy some of their products. He said, “All right. Wait here until I come back with the money…-but don’t touch my daughter while I’m gone!” When he came back, he found them all on top of his daughter. He pointed [...]

Smart Bull

Once ther was an insurance saleman from the city going out to the farm community to sell insurance to the farmers. He was way out in the country when he had engine trouble. Not knowing anything about cars he gets out and looks under the hood anyway. All of a sudden he hears a voice [...]

Red haired schoolteacher

The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. ‘Well, we’re a mite crowded, siknce there’s already someone in the spare room,’ replied the farmer. ‘But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed [...]

The cowboys and the sheep

Three cowboys were on their way home after herding a group of cattle to a ranch. On the way, they came across a sheep with it’s head stuck in a fence. one man said, “Man, I’m gonna get some of this.” He began to screw the sheep. He asked if another man wanted to get [...]

Higher Education

The farm had been mortgaged to give daughter a college education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered, “I have a confession to make, Paw – I ain’t a virgin no more.”The old man shook his head sadly. “After all the [...]

Milking Machine

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and . . . everything else was automatic! Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with [...]