Archive for the ‘dirty jokes’ Category

Cork radio competition

A radio station is holding a competition for a trip to hawai. Somebody rings up , tells them a word that isn’t in the dictionary and then puts it in a sentence. This is how it went First caller: Hi my name Adam and my word is G-o-a-n pronounced “Go an””. Presenter: Okay thats not [...]

Little Johnny’s Breakfast

Little Johnny wakes up and comes down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. “Not yet

Wrong choice!

A woman sudenly woke up at 2 in the morning, with her husbend in the kithen. Woman:”Morning love

Can’t trust Doctors

Charlie was once waiting at home for his wife 2 come back from the grocery store. When he got a phone call. It was the doctor and he said “Your wife has been in a terrible car accident andshe is at the hospital.”” So

All about the F-word

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the english language is the word “fuck.”” It is the one magical word which by just its sound can describe pain

Little Boy On Nude Beach

A Family, a boy and his parents went to a nude beach while they were on holiday. The little boy was building sandcastles when he noticed some women had bigger boobs than his mum. Confused he went to his mum, “Mummy mummy

Dont touch me daughter

On day two budies had no place to stay in. They saw a farm and decided to stay there.They knocked on the door and a elderly scottish man answered.The two budies asked can they stay over one night.The old scottish man repieid “Yes

Did santa give you that?

a little boy was ridding his bike when an officer on a horse stopped him. the officer asked: “little bot did santa give that bike?”” the liitle boy looked up at him and smiled

The Left or right?

A guy has been searching through Afghanastan, looking for Osama Bin Laden, until one day he finds him in a cave. The guy pulls out his gun, and says “Which one do you want me to shoot off first

Sons Devoted to Mom

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.”Well,” said the first one, “I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills.””I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time [...]

Bed Football

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, “7 points!”His wife looked at him and said, “What the hell are you doing?”He simply replied, “Just playing bed football.”Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, “Tie game – 7,7.”The husband’s competitive [...]

Daz

Tiger Woods was teeing up on the first hole of the Open championship, he hit his first shot and it sliced to the right. His next shot was no better, again he sliced it right. Feeling disgruntled, he jokingly asked if anyone could prevent him from making the ball go right. And to his suprise [...]

The Wire Brush

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, “What’s your problem, Soldier?””Chronic syphilis, Sir.””What treatment are you getting?””Five minutes with the wire brush each day.””What’s your ambition?””To get back to the front, Sir.””Good man,” said the Major.He went to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier?””Chronic piles, Sir.” “What treatment [...]

Things not to say to young ladies immediately…

Things not to say to young ladies immediately afterwards: Now slag off. Well that was bloody awful. Do you always make that appalling noise?

Shame & Glory

A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots. She downs the first one, “This is for the shame,” and then the second one,” This is for the glory.” She then orders two more shots. She drinks the first one, “This is for the shame,” and then the second one, “This is for the [...]

Firemen

The firemen finally get a huge fire under control, and Chief Brown has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rosolino. After a few minutes search, the chief looks down an alley, and there’s Rosolino, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to his ankles, and Olson is banging away from [...]

Free Beers

Bruce and Joe were down on their luck and needed a beer.After checking their pockets and finding only 50 cents,Bruce came up with a brilliant idea.”I’ll take the 50 cents and show you how we can drink all day for free!” He went into a butcher’s shop and bought a single sausage,which he stuck in [...]

If a month would be 24 hrs

If a month would be only 24 hrs long, we would get paid every day and women would bleed to death.

Model of Efficiency

A man asked the waiter for a look at the dessert menu, which the waiter produced from a special pouch in his uniform. The man ordered a desert, and the waiter relayed the information to the kitchen via a special communications device built into his wrist watch. When desert arrived, the man was without a [...]

Phuket Prostitute

Q: How do you recognize a prostitute from Phuket? A: she’s the one wearing fishnet…

Stupid, Shutup, and Manners

There once were 3 boys named Stupid, Shutup, and Manners. One day Stupid got lost(because hes STUPID!) so Shutup went to the police. The police said, “Whats your name kid?” Shutup said, “Shutup.” “Whats your name kid!” yelled the police men ” Shutup!” said Shutup again. “GRRR! WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR!” yelled the police [...]

Three year olds

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a Horse Jockey? A Horse Jockey is ALLOWED to ride 3 year olds.

Perfect wedding night

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. “Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.” His [...]

Sex with teacher

A young boy comes home from school & his mother says “What did you do today?”To which the boy answers “oh the usual, I had a math test, I got an A in Spelling and I had sex with my English teacher.”The mother , aghast, doesn’t know that to say. She stems & stammers and [...]

Helen Keller

Q: What did Helen Keller say when someone handed her a cheese grater? A: That was the most violent story I ever read!