Archive for the ‘current events’ Category

New Meaning of BITCH

Have you heard the new meaning for the word BITCH? Bill’s In Trouble, Call Hillary!

OJ’s Kid

A mama duck, baby duck, mama skunk, and baby skunk were all crossing the road when the 2 mama animals got ran over. The baby duck asked the baby skunk, “What am I? What am I?” “Well you got a beek and feathers you must be a duck.” “What am I?” asked the skunk. “Well [...]

Simple Solution

As for what to do with Osama bin Laden: Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release. Therefore, I suggest we do neither. Let the special forces, Seals, or whatever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons [...]

Osama QA

Q: What do Afghanistan and Hiroshima have in common? A: Nothing, yet. Q: What do Osama Bin Laden and General Custer have in common? A: They both want to know where all those Tomahawks are coming from! Q: What is the best job in Afghanistan? A: Foreign Ambassador. Q: How many Americans does it take [...]

Princes D and Pink Floyd

What does princes Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last hit was THE WALL!

Clinton’s Pool Table

What has 4 legs, 6 pockets and smells like pussy? Bill Clintons pool table.

Turmoil in Heaven!

Divine Press Release Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God’s “only son” last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem. [...]

Californians to Screw in a Light Bulb

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: 0 they can’t afford electricity.

Monica Briefs

We all know the Secret Service has nicknames for people around the White House, but only recently has Monica Lewinski’s nickname been leaked: “Humidor One”. Gennifer Flowers was recently asked how her relationship with Bill Clinton compared to Monica Lewinski’s. She replied, “Close, but no cigar.”

Eight days of oral sex

What to you call 8 days of oral sex? Hannukah Lewinski.

One At A Time

Use to be that the Kennedy men only drown their women one at a time.

New National Song!

News is that president Bill Clinton is changing our national theme song. Instead of Yankee Doddle Dandy, you’ll now be singing… Yank My Doodle,..Its a Dandy!

Come Again?

Monica Lewinsky walks into a dry cleaner. She walks up to the employee and asks him to clean her dress. The employee, who is hard of hearing asks, “Come, again?” Monica replies “Nope, just mustard!”

Ethiopian

How do you kill 50 flies at once? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a shovel.

Monica’s statement

“I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can’t stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in myface. “This may be a load to handle, but when things are [...]

Osama Anagrams

Top 21 names using letters from OSAMA BIN LADEN 21. Sane Oilman Bad 20. I bona leadsman 19. Nasal Nomad Be I 18. Be a Slain Nomad 17. A bend lama son 16. Albania’s Demon 15. A lesbian nomad 14. Alias “Boned Man” 13. So I anal bad men 12. And I blame a son [...]

Why the US attacked Iraq twice

A Washington think tank has announced a breakthrough in the search for a pattern in the seemingly random US military aggression since World War II. “We think they are spelling out a message”, explains an unnamed spokesperson. “If we take the first letters of Korea, Vietnam, Libya, Iraq, Iran, El Salvador, Grenada, Nicaragua and Somalia, [...]

What JFK Jr. Missed the Most

What did JFK Jr. miss the most about Martha’s Vineyard? The runway.

Doorstep Dando

What is the difference between Jill Dando and Shane Richie? Shane Ritchie passed the doorstep challenge.

Chief Lewinsky

What do you get when you put Monica Lewinsky and Chief Geronamo in a car? A blown Ingine!

Paddle Boats

There is this guy who manages a company that runs the little paddle boats on the lake. His job is to stand on the edge of the water and time the paddle boats so that when there 15 mins is up, he calls them back into shore. He is standing there talking to his mate [...]

Driving and Sex Ed in Iraq (derogatory)

Did you hear that they had to stop teaching drivers ed. and sex ed. at the same time in Iraqui high schools? It tires out the camels to fast.

How Do You Spell "Relief"

How do you spell relief? MONICA.

Thomas vs. Diana

What is the diffrence between Thomas the Tank Engine and Princess Diana? Thomas makes it through tunnels.

Ken Star

“What’s wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing.” ~ Kenneth Starr