Archive for the ‘crazy’ Category

fruit anybody??

these two guys walk across a field but soon get stopped by the owner. the owner is mad cuz he doesnt like anybody walking in his field. anyway he tells the two men that unless they dont do what he tells them to he will shoot their heads off. so the owner lets them sleep [...]

The nerds

Two rather nerdy engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes [...]

And the moral is…

Q. On the left side of the river there is a rooster, and on the other side there is a cat and a worm. The rooster jumps over the river and eats the worm. The cat gets frightened and jumps in the river. Whats the moral of the story? A. For every satified cock there [...]

The College Food Chain

THE DEAN Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Gives policy to God THE DEPARTMENT HEAD Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Talks with [...]

The Frog

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back [...]

Neutrons

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. After he’s done, he says to the bartender, “So what do I owe ya’?” And so the bartender responds, “Oh, you’re free of charge.”

A young boy

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, “Who’s that guy on the beach with you, with all the muscles and curly hair?” “That’s your father,” she says. The kid looks at her funny and asks her, “Then who’s that old bald headed fat man who lives with us now?”

To Prick A Bobby

Q: How do you prick a Bobby? A: With a Bobby Pin!

Engineers and Lawyers

On a college field trip, four Engineering and four Pre-Law students were travelling on the same train. The law students each had a ticket, but the Engineers had but one ticket amongst them. One of the Engineers shouted “conductor’s coming!”, and the four Engineers crowded into one of the bathrooms. The conductor comes by and [...]

A Message From Your Computer

You look really sexy in that…thing you’ve got on tonight. I like the way your eyes are always open when you read your E-Mail. When you type, it reminds me of a concert pianist tinkling on her keys. You really know how to push the right buttons to turn me on. If I wasn’t a [...]

a cow

This right here is one of the best jokes ever. No matter what all my friends say. Q: What did the Cow who crossed the road say to the other cow who didn’t? A: “Chicken!”

Potato will always help!

There was this really loser guy at collage one day. he was really unpopular so he got the guts to go ask a girl how could he make the girls like him!? SO, she told him to put a potato in his pants! so hes like OK~ if that will help! so the next day [...]

You’re so poor joke

You’re so poor you can’t afford a boner.

gay sperm

What did one gay sperm say to the other? How we suppose to find an egg in all this shit?

Two Drinking Buddies

One day two drinking buddies Jim and David were working on aircraft at JFK airport in NYC. They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored. Jim spoke up �Man I really need a drink!� in response David replied, �You know I heard a rumor you could drink jet [...]

Little Johny

One day little johnny was sitting in his house when the door knocked he ran to open it with a bottle whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other thae sales person at the door said is your parents home little johnny said [what the @#$% you think}

Hunchback

HUNCHBACK’S WIFE: I’m getting worried about that back of yours. It looks really awful. Perhaps you should see a doctor. Eventually, after a lot of persuasion the Huchback goes to the doctor. DOCTOR: I want you to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes jacket then stops) HUNCHBACK: I don’t like getting undressed. DOCTOR: If you want [...]

why did jesus stop………………

why did jesus stop playing HoCkEy???…………………………………….cuz he kept getting nalied to the BoArDsssss!! (and for all you religous people i didnt mean to affend you)

“Doctor, How Can I Fix My Problem?”

There was once a man who could not get his penis up. His wife was sad. They had no fun, So one day the man went to the doctors to get a perscription for his problem. “We don’t like to just give drugs out” the doctor said. “I want you to try something and if [...]

Installing XP.

Microsoft: YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE? Yes. ARE YOU REALLY SURE? Yes. ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SURE? *****yes!****** OK, THEN. JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE’RE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU THAT NOW. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A PICKY CONSUMER AND SUPPORTING THAT WHOLE “ANTI-TRUST” NONSENSE. [...]

YO MAMA

YO MAMA IS SO STUPID THAT SHE ROLLED DOWN A BARBIES CANYON!

How to annoy your coworkers

A guy walks into a construction site, sets down his football bat, and orders a beer. The flamingo looks at him and says, “I’ll bet you $5.00 that you can’t stand on your own neck.” The guy replies, “Well, if you’re out of grilled cheese, then I don’t do pianos!”

Murphy Laws of Computing

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it�s probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you�d least expect to find it. 4. When the going [...]

Did you ever wonder

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure? Is there another word for synonym? Isn’t is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? [...]

Boomerang

Q. How do you get rid of a boomerang? A: Throw it down a one way street.