Archive for the ‘celebrities’ Category

Nintendo humor

What are Mario’s biggest professions?1) Drug Dealing-He specializes in magic mushrooms2) Pimping women-You gotta think that with Princess Toadstool, Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, and Pauline, he’s gotta make a lot of money!

Friday afternoon

Its friday afternoon and a class of grade twos are waiting to go home,the teacher stands up and “says” anyone who can answer this question can take monday off,she asks how many buckets of sand in the Arizona desert. The kids are stuned,the teacher says alright,no one can answer the question, no one can have [...]

Jennifer Lopez

A passenger plane traveling to California is suddenly hit with a severe engine problem and plummets into the Pacific Ocean. The impact is such that the plane is ripped apart leaving only one man alive. After hours of swimming he spies an island and drags himself up onto the sandy shores. Though he is half [...]

Home Alone

Note: Our send this joke to a friend utility doesn’t do images, but if you see this in an email, visit http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=3766 to see what all the fuss is about…

A really filthy version of ‘Twas the night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neatThe kids were both gone, and my wife was in heatThe doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hookIt was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy, and I in the nudeHad just hit the bedroom and reached for [...]

Santa and the outside toilet

The night before Christmas, a family went to sleep when they were startled awake by an explosion. They went outside and saw the outside toilet in a million pieces – with Santa in the rubble.He was shaking his fist at a sleigh encircling him in the air while he shouted, “You idiots! I said the [...]

Mother Teresa in Heaven

Mother Teresa went to Heaven and she was walking around – checking the place out. She walked up to St Peter and said ”Where would I go to make a complaint?”St Peter told her to go see Gabriel. She goes to Gabriel and asks ”Why does Princess Di have a bigger halo than me.Gabriel says, [...]

Movie’s of the 80′s

Guess the following movie quotes. All movies were released between the years 1980 and 1989. Comedies, dramas, action, etc. Some are quite simple, and others are more difficult. There are 37 items, followed by the answers at the bottom, so you may wish to save reading this for a less hectic portion of your day. [...]

Super Heroes It’s funny

Superman walks over to Spiderman’s house and says hey Spidey You wanna Go out for some drinks but Spidey says Sorry I have to fix a web shooter to fight crime tommorow. So he flys over to the batcave and asks batman if he wants do go out for drinks but he says sorry I [...]

The OJ trial as Told by Dr. Seuss

The OJ trial as Told by Dr. Seuss I did not kill my lovely wife. I did not slash her with a knife. I did not bonk her on the head. I did not know that she was dead. I stayed at home that fateful night. I took a limo, then took a flight. The [...]

More Hollywood Sequels

*”Being John McEnroe” People line up to see what’s it’s like to be an immature tennis star who gets dumped by Tatum O’Neal. Followed by yet another sequel: “Being John Mellencamp.” *”Tricentennial Man” Robin Williams plays a robot who cries so much he rusts himself stiff. *”Double Jeopardy 2″ Ashley Judd is framed for the [...]

army slogans

If i saw this slogan id join faster than a sumowrestler to a hotdog “osama wants yo momma come protect her for the u.s.” (signups anyone)

How To Destroy All Boy Bands

How do you destroy all boy bands in one fall swoop? Give one of ‘em AIDS.

Superman: the gay experience

So one day superman was flying over this skyscraper. He saw this hot girl, sunbathing nude. Then he goes, “What the hell, i want to screw her. I can do it and she won’t even notice.” So he goes down, screws her aand flies away. The hot girl goes, “What the hell was that?” The [...]

Celebrity Name Teases

Here are some possible married names: If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she’d be Bo Ho. If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she’d be Ella Vader. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she’d be [...]

SONY BONO JOKES

After big tragedies the net often swims with humor about the people and event involved. Some people think this is a healing process, others find it in bad taste. WARNING: DO NOT READ If think you might be offended by Sonny Bono death jokes.======================================================What do Cher and a 50 year old Redwood have in common?They [...]

Kennedy, Bono and???

Investigating the two skiing deaths that occurred so closely to each other, authorities found this note:StoP tHE LogGInG oR WE WilL coNTinUE To KiLL OnE CelEBriTy EaCH WeEK!!!

A Bah Humbug

Sung to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town You better watch out, You better not cry, You better not pout, I’m telling you why, Santa Claus is tapping, Your phone. He’s buggin your room, He’s reading your mail, He’s keeping a file And runnin a tail Santa Claus is tapping Your phone [...]

Britney Spears vs. Blow Up Doll

What do Britney Spears and a blow up doll have in common? 1. Their both plastic. 2. Their mouths are big. 3. And they’re easy to use.

Regis-Who wants to get layed off?

Regis was asking a few questions in front of his mirror….practising for his show the next night on who wants to be a millionaire. After he was done he decided to go for a nice mountain walk to get some breeze. And as he did he noticed how much he echoed. So he screamed on [...]

Queen mum’s corgies

2 of the queens corgies were having a chat in the garden. one said to the other “it’s a shame the queen mum is dead” the other replied ” i’m glad shes gone” “why is that then” “coz we wont get the blame for pissing on the couch anymore”.

Interview with Barbra Walters

Barbra Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of some American Indians. After the tour of the reservation, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in a headress. His reply was, “Me have only one squaw so me only have one feather.” She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was [...]

i’ll have it right here

this girl asks this guy if he would like a drink he said i’ll have a coke she say would you like that in the can he say i’ll have it right here.

Office conduct during the Christmas season

To: All Employees From: Management Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council). 1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged. 2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone [...]

Johnny’s Letter to Baby Jesus

Little Johnny is told by his mother that he has been VERY bad this year.”What?! Nothing for Christmas?” cried little Johnny.”Well,” said Mum, “maybe if you write a letter to baby Jesus and tell him how sorry you are, Santa will bring you some presents.”The little boy returned to his room and began his letter.With [...]