Archive for the ‘catholics’ Category

Sand Bath

What did the girl say to moses when they were in the desert for 40 years and she tried to have sex with him? Oh, Moses…..your dick is scraching my pussy! You took a sand bath agian?

Adam, Are You Cheating on Me?

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged. “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him [...]

riddles

Q:what is greater than god, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it you’ll die? A: nuthing dumbass!!!!!

Bible

There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he [...]

God!

One late evening while the family was at church, a man was breaking into their home, he went into the bedroom stealing everything he could get his hands on. As soon as he entered the living room he heard a voice “God is going to get you!” “God is going to get you!” He pulled [...]

God’s Money

One day a guy died and went to heaven. He was curious about how God lived and said, “God, how much is a millenium to you?” God said, “One second.” “The man said, “God, how much is $1,000,000,000 to you?” God said, “One penny.” The guy thought for a minute and said, “God, can I [...]

New Look

One day a woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.” Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and [...]

Without Sin

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. “What’s going on here, anyway?” he asked. “This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we should stone her!” one of the crowd responded. “Wait,” yelled Jesus, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Suddenly, a [...]

Cute things from kids

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but he never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville. Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete- Age 9, Phoenix Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day [...]

Heaven Can Wait

A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside. She asks St. Peter, “What’s going on?” He says, “That’s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small hole drilled into their heads for their [...]

The Nun’s Innocence

What’s the height of innocence? A nun who works in a condom factory, and thinks she is making sleeping bags for mice.

Guide to Heaven

A man died and went to heaven. An angel was showing him around. The angel showed him a room full of people singing gospel music. The angel explained that these were the Baptists. He showed the man another room full of people talking and laughing. He explained that these were the Methodists and Protestants. They [...]

Joining the Church

Three couples wanted to join the Catholic Church: an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple, and a young, newly-married couple. The parish priest held an interview session to determine the worthiness of each couple. He began with this lecture: “The Catholic Church prizes abstinence as a virtue. In order to be eligible to join the Church, [...]

3 guys die, a miss understanding

3 Guys wait in line to get into heave, as they await in front of the Pearly Gates, St. Peter asks them all, “How did u die?” The first man said,”Well, you see, i came home early from work one day because I thought my wife might be cheating on me. So i came home [...]

Room Check

There were 100 nuns in a nunnery and a head nun. one day the head nun said I’ve done a room check and 99 rooms were perfect except 1. in that 1 room I found a pair of boxer shorts. 99 nuns went agrhhh and 1 nun went hehehe. The head nun carried on and [...]

I Can Not Tell The Name

Tommy O’Connor went to confession and said, “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” “What have you done Tommy O’Connor?” “I had sex with a girl.” “Who was it, Tommy?” “I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin.” “Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?” “No father, please forgive me for my sin but [...]

Trade for Lawn Mower

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishoners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. “How much do you want for the mower?” asked the preacher. “I’m just trying to make enough money to buy a bicycle,” said the little boy. After a moment of [...]

The Pope’s New Camera

One day a man was taking a tour of the Vatican, snapping pictures with his camera as he went. But suddenly, he had this urge to go to the washroom, but he held it in because the tour guide told the group that they were going to see the pope! And he was excited. So [...]

Nuns on a bench

There are these two nuns sitting on a park bench but both of them cant speak or hear. One nun has her hand down the other nun’s knickers What is she doing??? Lip reading!!!!

3 curious nuns

There were three nuns. One day the priest said ” if you want to stay in this convent you have to wash any part of our body you have touched with a penis. After hearing this the first nun goes to the bowl ofholy water and washes her hand. The second nun washes her butt.But [...]

Missing Rooster

A Priest was in his room and realized that his rooster was missing. He decided to bring it up in Sunday Mass. Right before the sermon the Priest asked, “Who has a cock?” All of the men in the room stood up. The Priest said, “No, No, No. Who has seen a cock?” All of [...]

Sister Mary of the Conception Whore House

A man is driving down the highway on his way to a fast weekend in Las Vegas when he sees a roadsign which states, “Sister Mary of the Conception Whore House, 50 miles.” He pays the sign little attention and continues to drive. 25 miles later he sees a sign reading “Sister Mary of the [...]

Do You Know Where God Is?

There were two very bad brothers, and they were always making trouble. One day their school burned down, and the parents knew that their two sons had something to do with it. As a result the parents decided to take the kids to church so they would learn about what is right. They decided to [...]

Is PMS in the Bible?

A man is sitting down in front of the fire place and is reading the Bible. His wife comes in and looks down at him and says, “Why do you always sit there and read that thing, what does it help?” He looks up at her and says, “I read it because it has an [...]

The Ditcher

As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar Order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his Order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but [...]