Archive for the ‘business’ Category

Blutarsky’s Axiom: Nothing is

Blutarsky’s Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.

Others will look to you

Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.

He who beats his sword

He who beats his sword into a plowshare usually ends up plowing for those who kept their swords.

If more than one person

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.

Peter’s Principle: In every

Peter’s Principle: In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.

Being a good communicator means

Being a good communicator means people find out what is really wrong with you.

Familiarity breeds attempt.

Familiarity breeds attempt.

Freeman’s Commentary on Ginsberg’s theorem:

Freeman’s Commentary on Ginsberg’s theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg’s Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based [...]

Aiming for the least common

Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.

It is not sufficient to

It is not sufficient to be a success; it is also necessary for your friends to be failures.

Hugh Downs’ Four Rules for

Hugh Downs’ Four Rules for Investigating the Universe: Rule 1 – When confronted with an apparent infinite or infinitely repeating pattern, expect some variant that keeps it from being infinite. Rule 2 – When all investigation supports Rule 1, look for a situation which violates it. Rule 3 – Be prepared for an infinite oscillation [...]

The last day working

“You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……”You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This [...]

An old occupation

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.- Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.

If you stand in one

If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.

Stress relief

One day at the office, Joe was sitting at his desk working. His co-worker Frank walks in and notices that Joe is not feeling well. “What’s wrong Joe”, asks Frank. “I’m all stressed out, my head is killing me.” “You want to know what I do when I need relief from stress?”, suggests Frank. “I [...]

An old occupation

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.- Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.

You can’t expect to hit

You can’t expect to hit the jackpot if you don’t put a few nickles in the machine.

I would give $1000 to

I would give $1000 to be a millionaire.

Every solution breeds new problems.

Every solution breeds new problems.

15 shots

A man walks into a bar and asks for 15 shots of vodka the bartender then asks what it was in aid of he replied, “i just had my first blow job” the batender says well done have one on me its ok he replies if 15 shots doesnt take the taste of cum out [...]

Experience is directly proportional to

Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

Give the Frog a Loan

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer. Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, “What do you have for collateral?” The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant. Mr. Paddywack looks at the [...]

1. Not spending enough quality

1. Not spending enough quality time with the kitchen applicances.2. Came dressed in only a towel…again.3. Ran out of paper clips.4. I’ve decided to telecommute.5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House.6. It’s a long drive home to Texas.7. One-day sale at Macy’s.8. My brain is melting!9. I think they found me out…10. Accidently [...]

If you are given two

If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.

I will get it done

I will get it done when I get it done!