Archive for the ‘body & health’ Category

Lunch Anyone?

Lunch Anyone? A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, “One burger!”” Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat

A penis, a pickle, & a cucumber

One day a penis, a pickle and a cucumber were all standing around talking about how much their lifes suck. The Cucumber said “Imagine sitting in dirt all your life and then shoved in a bag

The comedian

At school, a teacher puts up a question on the board every Friday. Whoever gets it correct, gets to go home early, and stay home till Monday. The teacher puts up questions so hard, that the kids can’t answer it. One day a kid went home, took 2 golf balls, spray-painted it black, put it [...]

Dying Young

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?”” God said

Skiing

There were three men hiking in the mountains and they came upon a cabin. They decided to stay there for the night because it was getting late and it was cold. It was really cold that they all decided to slept in the same bed. The next day they all woke up and the man [...]

Cannibals

Two hungry cannibals are walking through the forest when they see a man who had recently passed away. One cannibal says, “Look at this! You start at the feet and I’ll start at the head and we’ll meet in the middle.”” So the two cannibals start eating. After a half an hour one stops eating

Doctor my testicle has turned blue

A man goes to the doctor and says that he is worried because one of his testicles has turned blue. the doctor examins this and decides the only way to help would be to have the testicle amputated. The man decides to go through with the operation. The next week the man comes back and [...]

Types of Pain

Three women, while traveling in a train, are discussing different types of pain. The first woman says, “There is no pain like when you suffer a fracture”. The second woman says, “That’s nothing. Post-surgical pain is the worst”. The third woman says, “I disagree. Pain during childbirth is the severest”. An old man who is [...]

Green balls

What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand? complete controll of a leperchan!

Eye Contact

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Because breasts don’t have eyes.

Ask a female if reincarnation was possible…

Ask a female if reincarnation was possible and she could only come back as a chicken or a bowling ball, what would she pick? If a chicken is picked, you tell her she would rather be layed than fingered and the opposite if a ball is selected.

Cute Kid

This is a true story One day as a 6 month pregnant woman was getting ready for her shower her little boy walked in and said, “Mommy, you’re gettin fat!” the mom said to her little boy, “yes, i told you, i am going to have a baby and it is growin in my stomach. [...]

First Time

The night was dark, the moon was low I looked at her eyes which seemed to glow, She licked my face, so nice and slow, I touched her body and held her tight, Oh what a lovely perfect night! I put my hands on her warm breasts, She lay there without any protest, With her [...]

Facelift

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. “Well,” says the doctor, “I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up.” “Oh, no.” the woman replies. “I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back.” [...]

Strap It Down

This guy has a problem and goes to the doctor. The doctor asks, “What’s the problem?” The guy pulls down his pants and pulls out his rather large and fat penis. The doctor asks, “That’s your problem?” The guy replies, “Yes. Everytime I go on a date I smell the girl’s perfume and when we [...]

Weight Loss Program

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed like heck,” he thinks to himself. “But lets see what they think they can do.” He calls them on the [...]

American bathroom

Q: If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out of the bathroom, then what are you in the bathroom?A: You’re a peeing or Europian (say it out loud)

The Rubdown

A hospital patient, recovering from minor surgery, was being given an alcohol rubdown by two of the hospital’s more attractive nurses. While manipulating the man’s body they noted that the word “tiny” was tattooed on the head of his penis. Some months after the man’s discharge, Mary, one of the nurses, tod Joan, the other, [...]

Glucose in Semen

This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female freshman raised her hand and asked, “If I understand, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?” “That’s correct,” responded [...]

“My Balls. . . . .”

a guy walks through a town and sees that there is a contest. . the reward is $5000.00 . . you have to make a horse laugh. . . there are a bunch of people around trying to tell jokes, funny stories and they even tried to tickle the horse but he just wouldn’t laugh. [...]

Horse Problems

There were three men on a ranch grooming their horses. All of a sudden, a genie appears and says to the men, “I will each grant you one wish, then I must go.” The genie turns to the first man and says, “What is your wish?” The first man thinks for a while and then [...]

The little Indian Man

Once upon a time there was a lil’ Indian man who was doing his business on the side of the highway. When he was finished he got a ride with this man in a large red truck. The man asked the lil’ Indian man some questions and they were on their way. About 5 minutes [...]

Three Chickens

There’s three chickens a really smart one, a kind of smart one, and a dumb one we’re talking really dumb. The smart one yells “Cockadoodledo.” The kind of smart one yells “Cockadoo.” The dumb one yells “Any cock will do.”

Mommy whats that

This little girl had a nightmare she goes into her moms room and says mommy can i take a shower with you and her mom said sure but dont look down but she looked down and said mommy what is that that is my bush. the next night she took a shower with her dad [...]

all the small thingz

the 1 major thing u never say to a naked guy on the street is: HEY HAVE U LOST ANY OF UR DINKY CARS….CAUSE THERES 1 IMBETWEEN UR LEGS … mark hoppus Blink-182-