Archive for the ‘bill clinton’ Category

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A Marine Colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual, nothing is moving.” He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, [...]

He wanted to make an anonymous contribution

Q: Why did a Bill Clinton send an unsigned check for a hundred dollars to a charity? A: He wanted to make an anonymous contribution.

President of Iraq

The new president of Iraq said that he has some good news and some bad news! The good news is that U.S. troops will probably be out of that country in two years. …The bad news is they’ll be next door in Iran

“Over Here”

Q: What is Clinton’s favorite war song? A: “Over Here”

Chinese Army

If the skeletons in Bill Clinton’s closet stood up at the same time…It would look like the Chinese Army!

Condom Emergency

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried; “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.”, replied the President. “I do need your help,” said [...]

Clinton’s favorite baseball team?

Q: What’s Clinton’s favorite baseball team? A: The Dodgers.

Big pimpin’

What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and George Bush? A pimp with a speech impediment.

Democrats

Hard to tell what upsets the Democrats the most these days, that they lost the election or our winning the war.

Hillary home early

One small plane flies into restricted airspace and did you see all the people rushing out of the Capital? It was unbelievable. That was the fastest Congress ever moved that didn’t involve giving themselves a pay raise. What was really scary was Tom DeLay. He had to get 25 family members on the payroll out [...]

No more Bush

Former U.S. President George Bush said he would like to see his son, Governor George W. Bush, in the White House. Polls, however, indicate that the public is fed up with the Monica Lewinsky scandal and does not want to see any more Bush in the White House.

Hotel Registration

When Monica takes Tripps to Washington, she stays in a posh hotel.While checking her in, the clerk asked, ”President’s suite?””No, Actually sort of bitter,” she admitted.”Bitter? Hell, I never even kissed her.” Clinton responded.”

Chain Letter

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to [...]

Magazine that Clinton hate?

What magazine does Clinton hate? WIRED.

Clinton and the Pope

Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to Heaven and the Pope gets sent to Hell. The Pope explains the situation to the Hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 [...]

Breast implants

It is being reported that over 500 female soldiers have gotten free breast implants while in the service and that’s while Bush was president. Imagine how many there were under Clinton. -Jay Leno

Hillary took all the dikes with her to Washington.

Q: What caused all the flooding in the Midwest this year? A: Hillary took all the dikes with her to Washington.

Clinton and the Pope

During his visit to the United States the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and [...]

A face you remember

President Clinton will always be remembered as: ‘The President after Bush.’During Clinton’s interview with the grand jury, the prosecutor held up a picture of Monica and asked the president if he had ever seen the woman. Bill Clinton replied, ‘I’ve come across her face a couple of times.’

The White House.

Q: Where are the two biggest airbags located? A: The White House.

Monica Lewinsky and Bill

Secret Service are agents expected to testify that Monica Lewinsky was in the oval office with the President unescorted for 40 minutes, But everything was O.K., she was just giving the president a debriefing.

What is Bill Clinton’s Second favorite movie?…

What is Bill Clinton’s Second favorite movie? “Octopussy”

Safe sex

What is Bill’s idea of “safe sex”? A locked door.

Hillary’s aides haven’t killed her yet.

Q: What’s the difference between Hillary & Liberace? A: Hillary’s aides haven’t killed her yet.

What’s Bill’s fondest wish now?

Q: What’s Bill’s fondest wish now? A: That someone would wave a hand at him using more than one finger.