Archive for the ‘bar & drinking’ Category

3 piece’s of string at a bar

Three pieces of string walked into a bar. The first piece of string went up to the bar and asked the barman “Can i have three pints of beer please?”” The barman replied “”No sorry mate

My littl girl Abby and I were playing in the…

My littl girl Abby and I were playing in the grass of our front yard and we were on the steps ready to now cooome in when she saw a spider ! She got creeped so I stepped on it and she said ” mom will it go to heaven?”” I said to her “”sure

A woman walks into a bar…

A woman walks into a bar already wasted. She goes up to the bar and says,”Beer tender

Cant hear

There is this guy that walks into a bar, and sees a genie, who grants him a wish. The guy asked for “million bucks”” and all of a sudden

Listen before you speak

3 backpackers, an Englishman,a Welshman and an Irishman walked into a bar in Sydney.The trio walk up to bar,the bartender leans over.He says “I DON’T WANT ANY FIGHTS!If you start any

Big Guy and Little Guy

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and –WHACK!!– he knocks him off the bar stool and says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.”” The little guy thinks “”GEEZ”” but he gets back up on the [...]

Yo momma’s fat

Yo momma’s so fat when she ply’s “King of the Hill

Dumb wives

Two men are at a bar talking about how dumb their wives are. One man says to the other,”my wife is so dumb. She went out and bought a car yesterday. She doesnt even know how to drive!”” The other man says to the other

“You’re Going to Die”"”

A husband, let’s call him Sam, and wife, let’s call her Judy, go to the doctor for the sake of the husband and, after the doctor has fully examined Sam, comes out to talk with Judy about Sam’s diagnosis. “Whats the matter with my husband Doctor?”” Judy asks. “”He has a condition that is incurable. [...]

Potato

Mother potato told her three children it was time to get married . So the next day she asked them who they planned to get married to, the first one replied : the prince of potato’s.”splendid said the mother.The third one said she’d get married to King Tator

The Idiot

There were three guys stuck on an island, the first guy was a African, the second was a German, and the third one was a redneck. While swimming at the beach the African found a magical lamp and rubbed it. A jenie came out and told them three that he would grant them all one [...]

Did you find Him??

Everybody in church was heading to the river cause little Johnny was going to be baptised. So the preacher takes little Johnny and says to him ” hold you’re nose and down we go””

Blonde painter

One day this blonde was looking for work so she was knoking on all her neighbors doors asking if they needed any yard work done. She knoked on one mans door and he said sure you can pint the porch, how much do oyu think would be fair?? 50$ said the blonde and the man [...]

Bloody Mary

A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a cup of hot water. While handing over the cup, the bartender asks, “Don’t you want a bloody mary?”” The vampire says

$10,000

Tere is a severly drunk guy in a bar and he goes up to the bartender and says slurring and wobbling, “I’ll bet you $10

Blonde on the way to Mexico

A Blonde was on her way to Mexico, She boarded the plane and sat in First class!.The stuardess came out and said “excuse me

Yo’ mamma

Yo’ mammas so fat that when she went swimming in the ocean all of the whales started singing ” we are family

Man in raincoate

A man and woman meet at a bar one rainy night. the woman says to the man, “lets get out of here and go back to my place””. while they are at the womans house inside the bedroom they hear the front door open and slam. all of a sudden the women cries out “”my [...]

2 men on top off a building

To men are at the top of a building having a drink,and one says to the other i bet you i can jump out this window and in 5 seconds jump back in.”NEVER”” the man says. so the man jumps out and jumps back in

The bitch and the man

A bitch meets a man in a tiny street: the bitch: “Do you will fuck me?”” the man: “”How??

Bartender

A brunette walks into a bar and says, ”Gimme an M L.” the bartender says, “ What’s an M L?” She says, ” A Miller Light.” Another Brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a B L.” the bartender says, ��what’s a B L?” She says, ”Bud Light.” A dumb blonde walks in and says, ”Gimme [...]

Selling the Wife

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened. “I did a terrible thing�, sniffed the drunk, “Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort.” “That is awful,” said the other guy�,and now that she is [...]

barracks door…

barracks door A man walks into a supermarket with his fly down.A cashier sees him and says”sir your barracks door is wide open” Well the man had no idea what she was talking about and continued to shop. Soon after a man walked up to him and says “hey buddy,your fly is down”,so he proceeded [...]

Flying pill

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if [...]

Just Lays There!

A guy walks into a bar, and sees his best friend sitting there, getting drunk. When he asks what the problem is, the friend says “When I make love to my wife, she just lays there. I’ve tried everything, but she doesn’t moan, doesn’t scream, doesn’t even move” The guy pats his friend on the [...]