Archive for the ‘animals’ Category

Trouble

there was 3 bears and the father was Shut up mom was non ya buisness and there son was trouble. Trouble was out picking berries and he got lost so his parents came to find him. Whe they were driving and looking for him a cop pulled them over. Mama and papa bear stoped and [...]

The lecture on the Supernatural.

A professor at the University of Greece in Kalamata is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?”” About 90 students raise their Tsigara(cigarettes). “”Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts

Horse Sense

One day a rich man was looking for a gift for his daughter. He saw a beautiful white horse who was owned by a poor man. He offered $500 for it, but the poor man replied, “I don’t know mister it don’t look so good.”” The next day the rich man offered $1000 for the [...]

Aliens

once there were three aliens who crashed their plane on earth. These aliens did not know any language. SO they decided to learn. The first one said ” I am the smartest

African Safari

A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at the man for a [...]

Centipede

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug) , which came in a little white box. [...]

A Scotsman at The Zoo

A Scotsman was on his first visit to a zoo and he sees an animal that he has never seen before, so he asks the zoo keeper “what animal it this””.The zoo keeper replies “”Thats a moose sir

Talking Parrot

A man goes to the pet shop looking for a talking parrot. He walks up to the store manager and asks if they have any talking parrots. The manager replies with,”We only have one left. His name is Chet. If you put fire under him he will sing christmas carols.”” The man is interested so [...]

Go, Silver, Go!

A man was driving his truck down an old country lane, when his truck stalled and fell into a ditch. Well, it just so happend to be that there was a farmer about a block away from the accident. The man saw that that farmer had a horse and asked if his horse could pull [...]

Dont trust vet’s

there was a man who walked into the vet’s office and he said his bird was sick, so the doctor put the stethoscope to the bird and said “your bird is dead then the man was crying and said how could he be dead

AT THE ZOO

YOU KNOW THE RIDDLE “ROW

How To Bathe A Cat

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don’t try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If [...]

Dog Days

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room. When the first dog asks the second dog what he’s in for, he answers, “My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I’ve been brought here to be put to sleep. So what [...]

Elephant Joke

What did the elephant say to the naked man??????How the hell do you breath out of that thing.

Major Misunderstanding

A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money on the counter. Natrally the guy asks the bartender ‘That money couldnt have possibly been collected in tips, whats it there for?’ so the bartender explains ‘well in this jar is $5,000 in cash and i am willing to give it up [...]

Saving the Oppossum!

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down [...]

Beethoven’s Chicken

Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? It kept saying ”Bach, Bach, Bach…

Cat in the Way

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close [...]

Silly cow jokes

what do you call a cow with no legs? a ground beef what do you get when you cross a cow with a dog? a hound beef what goes “ooo,ooo,ooo”? a cow with no lips why do cows where bells? because thier horns doesnt work what newspaper do cows read? the daily moos what do [...]

One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons

Why did the chicken cross the road? MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing [...]

How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb

Here’s a bit of dog humor that’s been making the rounds lately. The question, of course, is “How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?” Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? [...]

The chicken

why did the chicken cross go by the underpass?

Ernie the Hamster

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It’s a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!! Overview: I had to take my son’s hamster to the vet. Here’s what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came [...]

Dead cat

A little boy went up to his mum one day and said: “guess what mummy? I found a dead cat!” So his mum said “are you sure it’s dead?” The little boy said – “yes! I know it’s dead because i pissed in its ear and it didn’t wake up!” “You did WHAT??!!!” Exclaimed his [...]

Crazy Little Critters…

Q. How do crabs leave the hospital? A. On crotches!