Archive for the ‘american’ Category

Democrat Pups

One day a teacher announced to her 1st grade class that a Democrat senator was coming in three weeks. “Is there anything you all want to tell him?” One little girl raised her hand. “Yes, Susie?” “Well, my dog just had puppies and they are ALL Democrates.” “Wonderful!” So finally he came and the teacher [...]

Californians Are Mad!

An open letter to the rest of America: America has engaged in some finger wagging lately because California doesn’t have enough electricity to meet its needs. The rest of the country (including George W. Bush’s energy secretary Spencer Abraham, who wants Californians to suffer through blackouts as justification for drilling for oil in Alaska’s Arctic [...]

A Texan Farmer in Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off [...]

Creation Of Canada

On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said “today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty, it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautifully sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout, forests full of elk [...]

Nationalities

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH ———————————————————- 1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay. 2. Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time. 3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog’s legs. 4. If there’s a war you can surrender really early. 5. You don’t [...]

Pecker

And husband and wife are driving down the road and the wife says “Honey, are you cheating on me?” He hesitates and says “Yes dear, im so sorry” Then all the sudded the wife pulls her husbands pocket knife out and cuts off his pecker and throughs it out the window. Following behind them is [...]

Wow!!!!

this girl went on a matchmaking website, and put an ad there. after a week, three people had responded. so she told them her address and gave each a time to stop by at her house. they had to tell her the most interesting thing that happened to them this week, and the one with [...]

Your Mama is Like A(n)..

Your Mama is Like A(n)… …Hardware store, 5 cents a screw. …Ice Cream Cone, everyone gets a lick. …Tube of Pringles, once you pop, you can’t stop. …vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet. …Shotgun, two cocks and she’s loaded. …Railroad Track, she gets laid all over the country. …Door [...]

Dirty Wal

One day little Bill’s parets were having a party. The family was very busy so his mom told him to go play outside, but DON’T go anywhere near the Dirty Wall. Bill goes to play and goes to the dirty wall, disobeying his mother. While at the wall he sees the word “shit” so he [...]

Earthquake!!

If the entire population of China jumped off of a 1 foot step ladder at the exact same moment, an earthquake of 10 on the Richter scale would be felt in the United States of America. But, since the population of China is three times that of the US, if the entire population of the [...]

Gum-Chewing

A gum-chewing American and a Frenchman are sitting together in a restaurant. The American feel really proud to be an American, so he starts a conversation. He asks the Frenchman, “When you eat bread, do you eat all of it?” “Mais oui!, of course!” responds the Frenchman. “Well,” says the American, “we only eat the [...]

Whos driving?

There was an American and a british guy in a car whos driving? THE COPS!

A Visitors’ Guide to Dallas, Texas

A Visitors’ Guide to Dallas, Texas (Life in America’s fifth largest city) 1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway. 2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules….Hold on and pray. [...]

your mama

Your mama is so fat, that when she got on the ice to skate it broke!!!

Magic Mountain Of Shit

One time three people a canadian, a american, and a chinise person. heard about a mountain that if you jumped of it and said something you’d land in it. So they decided they’d try it when the got there the American jumped of it and yelled money and landed in millions of dollars. then the [...]

Macdonalds

A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, “They don’t serve beer here, you moron!” The German fellow felt embarrassed. However, he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face [...]

Fourth of July in England?

Does England have a fourth of July? Yes, it also has a first and second.

Snow

AUG 12 Moved to our new home in upstate New York. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow on them. I love it here. OCT 14 Upstate New York is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and [...]

Location

“Places I’d Rather Not Live In…” Paradox, New York Crapo, Maryland Boogertown, North Carolina Spasticville, Kansas Hellhole, Idaho Purgatory, Maine What would Freud say about… Climax, Michigan Spread Eagle, Wisconsin Needmore, Arkansas (Clinton’s Home Town?) Hardup, Utah Big Bogue Homo, Mississippi Intercourse, Pennsylvania Hornytown, North Carolina Conception Junction, Missouri It doesn’t surprise me that there [...]

Spelling

Wow do Canadians spell their country???? Well…Americans spell it like C-A-N-A-D-A…. Then how do you spell it the canadian way… Not very different just like this…C-AYE-N-AYE-D-AYE.

Adam and Eve Must Be Russian

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.” “Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.” “No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, [...]

Osama Bin Laden And Pantyhose

What do Osama Bin Laden and pantyhose have in common? They both irritate Bush.

Only in America

Only in America…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance… Only in America…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink… Only in America…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke… Only in America…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to [...]

Miami

There is a tharapy calss for men who stutter. The teacher is a very beautiful young woman. So the calss is for 1 year only, and by the time that year is up, the three men who are in the class will no longer stutter. Well, about 11 months went by and the men were [...]

Bill vs. Saddam

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for talks on sanctions. When Bill sits down he notices Saddam’s chair has three buttons on the armrest. They begin talking but after 5 minutes Saddam presses a button and a boxing glove pops out of Clinton’s chair and bashes him on his face. Clinton, barely [...]