Archive for July, 2010

OUCH!

A man walks into a bar… …OUCH!

Chastity Belt Key!

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires, “I’m leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife’s chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven’t returned, you may use the key as I’m sure she will have needs” [...]

Llega el due�o de una

Llega el due�o de una casa en compa��a de su abogado a echar una persona de su casa de alquiler y dice el hombre: “�Te dije que no te pagaba la renta hasta que no me resolvieras el problema de las ratas!” “Veamos”, dice el abogado, “mu�streme las ratas de las cuales habla.” Al pasar [...]

Bush and Clinton and Bush

Bush and Gore, together again Bush and Gore went fishing. Gore went on one side of the lake and Bush on the other. Later that day, Bush came back with 129 fish and Gore came back with none. Gore screamed for a revote. The next day bush came back with 173 fish and Gore once [...]

Put them in a barking lot

Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street? A: Put them in a barking lot.

Bush believes homosapien unions are a sin.

Q: Why are all marriages now illegal in the US? A: Bush believes homosapien unions are a sin.

Home Alone

Note: Our send this joke to a friend utility doesn’t do images, but if you see this in an email, visit http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=3766 to see what all the fuss is about…

ADULT: A

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

Mistaken Identity

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, “You don’t feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?”

He’s Gonna Jump!

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00pm news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial. Brunette: I bet you $20 he’s going to jump. Blonde: OK. (Back to newscast : He jumped!) Blonde: OK. I lost. Here’s [...]

Nurse's Fanclub

A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure, a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.The friend was amazed at the number of Nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give [...]

Irish Pudding

A Irishman went to the doctors with a hole in his earlobe and blisters all over his feet, the doctor asked: “What happened paddy?”Paddy replied, “I was opening a pudding an’ it said on the packet pierce ere and stand in boiling water”

A guy walks into a whore house and asks what…

A guy walks into a whore house and asks what can I get for a dollar. The guy says floor three room two to your left. He goes there and a old woman answers the door. So they start doing it and the guy says this is dry what can you do to make this [...]

Ever Wonder

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Testicles

Blonde mesquito

Q:What is the difference between a blonde and a mesquito? A:The mesqito stops sucking when you slap it.

Drummers do it with rhythm….

Drummers do it with rhythm.

American Golfer

I can go golfing today , cauz my car wont budge What kinda car do ya hav CADDY-LACK

US Military Then & Now

1945 – we painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home. 2000 – they put the real thing in the cockpit. 1945 – your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive. 2000 – she is in the same trench praying your condom worked. 1945 – medals were awarded to heroes [...]

No more Bush

Former U.S. President George Bush said he would like to see his son, Governor George W. Bush, in the White House. Polls, however, indicate that the public is fed up with the Monica Lewinsky scandal and does not want to see any more Bush in the White House.

An Illinois man who left

An Illinois man who left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which [...]

The search for intelligent life

Captain Kirk and an away team, searching for intelligent life on other planets, traveled down to Earth after going through a time disturbance cloud, landing in Washington D.C. right in the middle of Clinton’s inaugural ball.After looking around, Kirk says: “Beam us up, Scotty. There’s no intelligent life down on this one.”

Christmas jokes

what did santa say to the striper? ho-ho-ho

Off the cliff!

The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. “Good lord, mister,” he gasped, “are you drunk?” “Of course,” said the man, [...]

Ha ha

Your dick

Model of Efficiency

A man asked the waiter for a look at the dessert menu, which the waiter produced from a special pouch in his uniform. The man ordered a desert, and the waiter relayed the information to the kitchen via a special communications device built into his wrist watch. When desert arrived, the man was without a [...]