Archive for February, 2010

Kids in the back seat

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Just Trying to See Your Panties

Once there was this little boy and he was really perverted. He liked to look up little girl’s skirts. One day he had a sucker with him and he told this little girl that he would give her the sucker if she would climb to the top of the monkey bars (Unbeknownst to her, he [...]

The night before Y2K…

‘Taws the night before Y2K, And all through the nation We awaited The Bug, The Millennium sensation. The chips were replaced In computers with care, In hopes that old’ Buggy Wouldn’t stop there. While some folks could think They were snug in their beds Others had visions Of dread in their heads. And Ma with [...]

After buying a used car

After buying a used car the pollock asked his wife to make sure that the blinkers worked correctly. He got in, turned them on and asked her if they were working. She replied, “YES NO YES NO YES,……”

Sexual request

Olga, the Danish chambermaid at the Catskill mountain hotel, was constantly being chased by Hirshberg, one of the guests. Every time he got near her, she ran away from him. One day he grabbed the pretty Dane and whispered his sexual request in her ear. To his amazement, she agreed to meet him in his [...]

A young West Virginian girl

A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said “No way! You’re going to By-God West Virginia Univ.” Well, she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married, to a man from Richmond, VA [...]

Your teeth so yellow that when you go to church…

Your teeth so yellow that when you go to church the priest said LET IT SHINE LET IS SHINE!!!!!

Q: How many running-dog

Q: How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?A: Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!

Sat on a Rainbow

Your mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and it popped out Skittles.

Men

Man to God: “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God to Man: “So you would love her.” “But God”, Man says, “why did you make her so dumb?” God replies: “So she would love you.” God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before creating a masterpiece. Diamonds are [...]

Take A Guess

Whats 6 inches long and as a head??answer:A 1 dollar bill

The Kids, The Bike and the Fridge

Q. Why did the kid fall off his bike?A. Because someone threw a fridge at him.

You might be a college student if . . .

31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself

Three convicts were on

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, “So, what did you bring?” The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to [...]

The encahnted forest

three man walk into a enchanted forest they have lost there way when they come apon a mysterious man he offers them a place to stay in corners of their eyes they see a beautiful wemon undressing and like all men we know what they were thinking but the mysteriuos man tells them accept one [...]

Jack And Jill

Jack and Jill have been married for many years they have gone up and tumbled down that very hill for many years too. One day Jill started to go up the hill by herself and while Jack was going up she would tumble down by herself. Jack got really frustrated and decided to confront Jill [...]

Difficulties in life

Q. What’s long and hard on a Redneck?A. Third grade.

Want Ads- Illiterate?

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. 3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. 4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. 5. Man wanted to work in [...]

A lawyer’s dog, running about

A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, ”if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s [...]

Medical Mistatements

The following statements were found on patient’s charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we’re afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: “The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.” “The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the [...]

Wedding practical joke

Do you already have a child?During the wedding ceremony, when the minister/preacher/priest comes to the part about, “If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace…” have this four-to-six year old boy running up the aisle yelling, “Daddy, daddy.” I understand from a friend [...]

Cuatro hormiguitas se reunieron en

Cuatro hormiguitas se reunieron en un ba�o para elegir el sitio donde dormir. Una dice: “mira, t� te vas a la ducha, t� a la toalla y yo me ir� al inodoro �Listo?” Al otro d�a, le preguntaron a la de la ducha: “�C�mo dormiste?” “No pude dormir, me mojaron, me echaron agua caliente y [...]

The Top 15 Indications That Military Intelligence May Be Suspect

15> It seems pretty far-fetched to classify a 7-Eleven as an “enemy stronghold.” 14> Amount of new messages always seems to increase just after dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. 13> The person calling into headquarters claims to be “Major Dick,” then breaks down giggling. 12> They’ve just proudly informed you that they’re closing in [...]

Sudden Change In Fashion

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he’s curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” [...]

Things you’ll NEVER hear one woman say to another

That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim? Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I’ll go introduce myself! His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am, and I’m happy for them both. If he doesn’t [...]