Archive for December, 2008

Cross Nuns

Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windscreen. “Quick, quick!!” shouts Sister Mary. “What shall I do?” “Turn the windshield wipers on, [...]

Pick a starting salary

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The candidate said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of [...]

Lullabuoy

Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.

Have you seen my dog?

Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground. They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine. Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first hiker picked up a near-by rock and tossed [...]

A soda

A blonde walks into a grocery store one day and tells the Cashier “UMM sir, your um soda machine is broken” The cashier says ” Oh well that is odd i just got a soda from there. Well what seems to be the problem?” The blonde says “Well my quarters wont fit into the machine [...]

Blonde at the doctor

A blonde goes to the doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, Doctor! Everywhere I touch hurts!” She touched her shoulder, and it hurt. She touched her leg, and it hurt. She touched her neck, and it hurt. The doctor looked at her and said, “Your finger is broken.”

What was the dogs name

A man took his dog for a walk. The man rode yet walked. What was the dogs name? The dogs name was yet!

You’ve ever wrestled your mama

You’ve ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can’t find it.

The old farmer

One day there was a old farmer and his wife and they owned a horse and a carrige. So one day they went out on the pasture to do some work,and there riding along and all of a sudden the horse stops and starts eating grass, the old farmer gets off and walks up to [...]

Your Mamma so poor…

Your momma so poor, we she stepped on her cigarette bud, she asked “who turned off the lights?”

Old Sailor

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins. “How am I doing?” He asks. “Three knots,” she replies. “Three knots? What’s that mean?” “You’re not hard, you’re not in, and you’re not getting your money back.”

At the store.

You’re so stupid, you got locked in a grocery store and starved!!

Computer Terms

486 – The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state – of – the – art computer you can’t afford. Obsolete – Any computer you own. Microsecond – The time it takes for your State – of – the – art computer to become obsolete. Syntax Error – “Hello, I want to buy a [...]

Un hombre estaba sentado en

Un hombre estaba sentado en un bar y observaba c�mo un individuo sosten�a una conversaci�n con su mano derecha. Intrigado se le acerc� y le dijo: “Perdone, pero he visto que usted lleva bastante rato hablando solo. �Le pasa algo malo?” “Lo que pasa es que estoy estrenando un implante electr�nico que me pusieron en [...]

Faty momma

yo momma is so fat when she falls they have to put it in slow motion for us to see

Hey diddle diddle

hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle the cows booked a room, the puppy dog paid to see such fun and the dish ran away with the spoon

Two Donuts

Well the other day I walked into a bakery and there were two doughnuts, a big one and a little one. I picked up the big donut and this women goes, “Hey don’t be greedy you shouldn’t have that big doughnut all to yourself!” So I replied “Well I’m at the front of the queue! [...]

Salvation

It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed not to look at Fr. John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and [...]

Crush, Lust, or Love

Q: Whats the difference between a crush, lust, and love? A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling!

There was this little guy

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and –WHACK!! — knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, ”That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks ”GEEZ,” [...]

Your friend tells you he

Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.Your mama has more tattoos than you do.You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.

I can see your point,

I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.

You

what is the fnnnist thing in the whole wide world =your mumas id m

3 blondes

there are 3 blondes and they are aruging because there are markings on the path and the 1st blonde says “i think they are deer tracks”” and the 2nd blonde said “”i think they are bird tracks”” and the 3rd blonde says “” i think they are rabbit tracks”” they were still discussing this when [...]

Ur momma is so stupid

ur momma is so stupid… she tried to drown a fish