Archive for September, 2008

Happy Butt

Once there was a girl. It was her first day in the 1st grade. When she came in the teacher asked her what her name was. The girl said Happy Butt. Well, the teacher was not very happy and put the girl in time out. After her five minutes of time out the teacher again [...]

I went out with this girl who was so black,…

I went out with this girl who was so black, when she got out of the car, the oil light came on.

Name That Animal, Kids

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat. “What animal is this?” she asked. “A cat!” said Eddie. “Good job! Now, what is this animal?” “A dog!” said Eddie. “Good! Now what animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a [...]

Yo mama is so ugly

Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Snowmen

Two snowmen in a field one says to the other one “I smell carrots”

Top Ten Reasons for Being English

1. Two World Wars and One World Cup 2. Warm beer 3. You get to confuse yanks with the rules of cricket 4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events 5. Union jack underpants 6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer 7. Puts you in with a chance bedding Lady Di 8. [...]

“Makeout Point”

One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at “makeout point.” Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine. “Excuse me, son” said the cop, “but how old [...]

The Sapling

There was this sapling that didn’t know what kind of tree he was. He was growing up between a birch tree and a beech tree and thought they might be able to tell him what kind of tree he was. First he asks Mr. Birch Tree and says..”Mr. Birch, Mr. Birch, I gotta know…am I [...]

Forty Toothed Monster Holder-Backers

What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper.

Adam & Eve

After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said, ”It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.” Adam answered, ”Yes, Lord, but what is a ‘kiss’?” The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who [...]

Wanna Make $$$ Fast?

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast?Here’s an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now!Follow this simple procedure:1) Hold down the SHIFT key.2) While still holding down the SHIFT key, Hit the “4″ key on your keyboard four times

Third grade

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade, Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because she’s 18.

Top 10 reasons why studying is better than sex

10. You can usually find someone to do it with. 9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off. 8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame. 7. When you open a book, you don’t have to worry about who else has opened [...]

Another Micheal Jackson Joke!

A pilot, the President, Micheal Jackson, a librarian, and some kids are on a plane that is about to crash. There are just enough parachutes that one person must die. The pilot says “Well, I’m the pilot so i have to live,” so he jumps out with a parachute. The President says “Well I’m the [...]

Stupid Elephant Jokes

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Footprints in the butter!

Dos madres se encuentran por

Dos madres se encuentran por la calle y una le dice a otra: “Hola �qu� tal est�s?” Y responde la otra: “Yo bien, pero a mi hijo le han detectado sida.” Y la otra le dice alarmada: “�Y c�mo lo llevais?” “Pues con mucho amor y pizza.” “�Pizza?” “S�, es que es lo �nico que [...]

Great inventions

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, Saint Peter tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention of the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven.” So Henry Ford thinks about it and says, “I want to hang [...]

I’ve got good and bad

This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?”Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.Patient: That’s terrible! In two years, my life [...]

Yo mommas so fat

yo mommas so fat, her blood type is rockey road

My Sense of Humor

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, “Don’t worry, everybody [...]

Scenic

What do you call a prostitute covered in tattoos? The Scenic Route. Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Curtis

Beethoven in the park

A symphony orchestra is performing Beethoven’s 9th in the park. It’s so windy that the music sheets need to be tied down so they won’t blow away. The tuba players just did their first bit, and they won’t need to perform for a while, so they go to the bar across the street to get [...]

Draft beer, not people!

Draft beer, not people!

Dead goldfish

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbour was concerned, “That’s [...]

A very faithful woman

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout “PRAISE THE LORD!”Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”Hard times set in on the elderly [...]