Archive for July, 2008

Paging John Edward

There was this couple, Mary and John, who believed they would return in another life. They got married and, as part of their wedding vows, promised that if one died, the other would attend a s�ance exactly four weeks later and contact the other. Twenty happy years later, the man dies, and the woman, Mary, [...]

Clinton one-liner

The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with our money!

Superman and Friends

One afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was slow that day, so he decided to go over to Spiderman’s house. Supe: “Hey Spidey, let’s go get a burger and a beer!” Spidey: “No can do, Supe. I’ve got a problem with my Web-shooter. Can’t fight crime tomorrow without it”. So Superman heads over to [...]

People that are really

“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.” …George W. Bush

Jack Kevorkian for White House

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician

Caned blond

what do you call a blond in a can sex in a can

A Bum’s Life

A man was walking in the city, when he was interrupted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?” “No, I stopped [...]

Answer from Heaven

A little boy wanted $100 so badly that he prayed for two weeks. But nothing happened; so he decided to write God a letter asking for the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to “GOD, USA”, hey decided to send it to President Clinton. Bill was so impressed, touched, and amused that [...]

how many animals can you

how many animals can you fit in a condom. i dont know how many . 2bulls 1snake and as many hares as you can count.

Q: How many safety

Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.

Question and answer Clinton joke

Q: What is Clinton’s favorite war song?A: “Over Here”

Beer lover

A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. [...]

Punishment in school

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” The [...]

Getting your dog into a bar

Note to the civilized world: They don’t let dogs into bars in the US.————————–Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll with their dogs… One had a Doberman pinscher and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that [...]

Low blow

What do you call a gay dwarf? A low blow. Submitted by Curtis Edited by Calamjo

Q: Why is a tree like a dog?

A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.

String Joke

A string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies “I’m sorry, We don’t serve strings” The string, angry, runs to the bathroom and ties himself up into knots until his ends are frayed. Then he walks back out and asks the bartender for a drink. “Hey, aren’t you [...]

Trombone joke

Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?A: A trombone will bend before it breaks.

Poop

did you ever eat poop

Insanity is one mind working

Insanity is one mind working in two different directions at once.

A stolen credit card

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

American Express

A tourist approached a prostitute in the back streets of Soho in London”How much?” he asked”It’ll cost ya twenty quid” replied the tart”American Express?” he inquired”You can go as fast as you like” she said

Santa Claus

Once upon a time there was a perfect woman, and a perfect man. One day they met and fell in love. As the time past on this perfect couple they got married. After a perfect wedding they got in their perfect car and starting driving up a perfect winding road and then they realized a [...]

Coffee Klatch

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him “Father.” The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, “Your Grace.” The third Catholic mother says, “My [...]

The power of dirty words

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language. CONSIDER THIS: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort you can get your [...]