Archive for January, 2008

There is black boy, Malcolm; a white boy,…

There is black boy, Malcolm; a white boy, James; and a Mexican girl Jaunita in a spelling bee at school. To win the spelling bee the student must spell the word correctly and use the word in a sentence. Teacher: James, spell dictate. James: d-e-c-t-a-t-e Teacher: Sorry that’s wrong. Teacher: Juanita spell dictate. Juanita: d-i-k-t-a-t-e [...]

Michael Jackson

A little boy walks up to his mother and asks her “Mommy is God a male or female?”” His mother thought for a second and said “”Well God is both male and female.”” The little boy left and came back 5 minutes later to ask his mother “”Mommy is God black or white?”” His mother [...]

2 Story House

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, “Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.” “Because,” the man says,”I live in a two-story house.” The Judge replies, “What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about [...]

Bush and Moses

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked reverently, “Aren’t you Moses?” But the man wouldn’t listen to him and continued [...]

En una entrevista a un

En una entrevista a un viejo lobo de mar: “Capit�n, de sus muchas aventuras por el mundo, �cu�l recuerda como la m�s terrible?” “�Hombre! Fue en 1977, tras un largo viaje por los mares de China y Jap�n. Aquella vez, al regresar a mi casa, se me ocurri� botar las cenizas de mi cigarrillo en [...]

Spring

Vovochka asks the teacher: – Why is that: two halves of my pen screw and they don’t have any children? The teacher is furious and she runs to the director. He comes to the class and Vovochka repeats his question. – Haven’tcha noticed the spring in there?

Hola, me llamo Chal-li, acabas

Hola, me llamo Chal-li, acabas de ser infectado por el �ltimo tipo de virus creado, el virus manual Chal-li. Soy un virus humilde y no me reenv�o autom�ticamente ni borro ning�n disco al ser recibido por lo tanto agradecer�a tu colaboraci�n. Lo primero que debes hacer es ir a la carpeta de Windows y borrar [...]

Dog Poop

Two blondes are walking in the woods when one looks down and says, “Look dog poop!” The other bends down and smells it, “Smells like dog poop.” They both stick there fingers in it, “Feels like dog poop.” They taste it, “Taste like dog poop!” One says to the other, “Sure glad we didin’t step [...]

En un restaurante, un comensal

En un restaurante, un comensal le ordena al mesero: “Mesero, d�me un huevo duro”. El mesero lo atiende y le lleva el huevo. Tiempo despu�s, el tipo grita enojado: “Mesero, este huevo est� blando”. El mesero se acerca a la mesa, mira al huevo y exclama: “�C�llate, huevo hijo de puta!”

Firing Squad

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Mexican, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, “Tornado!” They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He [...]

Pepsi Genie

It was a black man…..a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage can, when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out. “You get three wishes, be very careful and don’t spoil them.” “OK, OK,” and without hesitation he says, “first I [...]

Nigger – apple

What does a nigger and an apple have in common? You can find them both hanging from a tree in Mississippi.

Wallet

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. “That’s the first time I’ve [...]

Old Ladies & a Flasher

Three old ladies were confronted by a flasher. The first had a stroke, and the second had a stroke but the third wouldn’t touch it.

Linguistics Professor

A distinguished linguistics professor was lecturing on the phenomenon of double negatives. As he neared the end of his talk, he drew himself up and declared solemnly: In conclusion, let me observe that while there are numerous cases where a double negative conveys a positve, there is no case where a double positive conveys a [...]

Q: How many movie

Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a lightbulb?A: One, but you should’ve seen the line outside the producer’s hotel room.

BLONDE

There was 2 blondes walking down the street, when they came across a mirror laying on the ground, one blonde pickes it up and says, “hey, this person looks really fimilar!?” so the other blonde says,”here let me see.” she looks and says,”you dummy thats me!”

Santa

why does santa have three gardens? He loves to Ho Ho Ho!

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.167. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that they’re for the Sandman. Take a bite out of one of the cookies while your roommate is asleep. The next morning, [...]

Election explination

(Every year, teacher Mike Wilson of Ballwin, Missouri has his elementary-school students study the presidential election process in America. From the resulting essays and exam papers, Wilson has culled some gems of youthful insight and wisdom, not to mention skepticism worth of a politics-weary adult. As the 1984 presidential election grows near, we offer some [...]

Your mama is so ugly

Your mama is so ugly she made a blind kid cry

Missing Cellphone

A guy (we’ll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman’s home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without [...]

So Thor!

One day the norse god Thor was looking down upon the earth and was watching couples amking out in a park. He decided that this looked like fun, so with a clap of thunder, Thor was walking around the park as a human man. He came upon a young beautiful girl sitting alone and asked [...]

Tackle box

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife, “I have a chance of a lifetime to go fishing for a week, but I have to leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home in about an hour to pick them up.” He [...]

The Muffin Joke

Two muffins are in a toaster oven, first muffin says: “Boy, its hot in here” second muffin says, “I don’t believe it, a talking muffin!”