Archive for December, 2007

On the Train

A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a [...]

Funeral service

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! [...]

Thanksgiving & Christmas Tatoos

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put the words “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The [...]

Sergeant Major Dick

An army Sergeant Major walked into a whorehouse one night and approached the madam and said, “My name is Sergeant Major Dick and I’m here for a woman!”. The madam immediatly escorted the soldier upstairs and selected the best call girl that they had working that night. Segeant Major Dick disrobed and was standing with [...]

Clinton and a lightbulb

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Zero. He only screws interns.

KFC and the Pope

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor. The Pope says, “What can I do?” The Colonel says, “I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day [...]

So dumb!!

your Momma so dumb, she got hit by a parked car!!!

Mere unassisted merit advances slowly,

Mere unassisted merit advances slowly, if it advances at all.

What did the blonde think of the new computer?…

What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get HBO

Burger King won’t let you

Burger King won’t let you do it your way, right away.You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can’t remember your wifes birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can’t remember how old your children are.

Una maestra cubana dice a

Una maestra cubana dice a los ninos que hagan una composici�n con un tema de la revoluci�n y al terminar manda a Pepito a que lea la suya: “Yo tengo una gatica que ayer tuvo cinco gaticos y todos los gaticos son revolucionarios.” La maestra, al ver que Pepito sab�a que hasta los gaticos deben [...]

The best way to inspire

The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.

Crackers?

Patient: Doctor, you’ve got to help me. Every night I get the uncontrollable urge to go downstairs and stick my dick into the biscuit tin. Do you know what’s wrong with me? Doctor: Yes… You’re fucking crackers!

Knock KnockWho’s there?Hardy!Hardy who?Hardy ha

Knock KnockWho’s there?Hardy!Hardy who?Hardy ha ha!

Kite Tails and Rejection

One day a father and son are flying a kite. The kite is going in circles and crashing. The father comforts the son and the mother yells, “ou need more tail!” The father then tells the son, “Son, I will never understand your mom. Last night when we were having ‘fun’ I asked her for [...]

The Worst Analogies

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one [...]

El pap� le dice al

El pap� le dice al Pepito: “Me temo que alg�n d�a el profesor se dar� cuenta de que yo soy el que te hago la tarea.” “Pap�, creo que ya lo sabe…ayer me dijo que le parec�a imposible que yo solo pudiera cometer tantos errores.”

Hearing v’s Listening

What a woman says: Cmon…This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you’ll have no clothes if we don’t do laundry now! What a man hears: C’MON….blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES [...]

Caught Cheating

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vice.She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.Next she picked up a hacksaw.The terrified husband, screamed, [...]

YOUR MAMMA IS SO FAT …

YOUR MAMMA IS SO FAT THAT SHE HAS TO GET HER NAILS PAINTED IN EARL SHINE!!!!!!

Phone Company Job

A phone company puts an ad in the paper that they are recruiting workers.The next day, two groups of workers show up. The company cannot decide who to give the job to, so they give them a test.The company boss says, “Each crew will receive a telephone pole that they must install into the ground. [...]

Blonde panel beater

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents. She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do. The body man explained what needed to be done and that it [...]

And They’re Off!

The Horses are at the gate:1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Dick 9. Heavy Bosom 10. Merry Cherry And away they go:Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk anties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom [...]

You might be a Republican if…

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

Why do women like hunters?…

Why do women like hunters? They go deep into the bush They always shoot twice They always eat what they shoot