Archive for November, 2007

Putting Out

He says, “Come on, babe, let’s go in the alleyway and get it on. I’ve got fifteen bucks.”She says, “FIFTEEN bucks? You’re crazy. For fifteen bucks, I’ll let you LOOK at it.”They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can’t see anything, because it’s [...]

Results of damage testing

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact, it’ll [...]

Southern Zoo

What’s the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo? A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

The Ten Commandments

During his visit to the United Statesthe Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summitwas a resounding success. He said that he and the [...]

Math through the years

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching [...]

New Guy

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked before, [...]

Sky & panties

what is the difference between the sky & panties? sky covers the WHOLE UNIVERSE,panties cover the UNIVERSAL HOLE!!!

Day off

So you want a day off? Let’s take a look at what you are asking for! There are 365 days this year. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you [...]

Egg Dispute

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in [...]

You might be a college student if . . .

26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn

An interpreter.

Q. What is a brunette between two blondes? A. An interpreter.

Birth control pill

A truck driver was pulled over by a state trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked, “Did I [...]

The blonde slide

There were three women 2 brunets and a blonde. 1 brunet went down the slide and said money and she landed in money. the second brunet went down and said naked men and she landed in a pile of naked men and did it with them. The blonde went down and said weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and she [...]

Hans Guarding the Farmer’s Daughter

A young salesman was out on business when one night he had to stop at a farm. The only room available was with the farmers pretty daughter . The farmer having heard this kind of joke before asked his faithful farm hand Hans to wait outside the door with a shotgun and if he heard [...]

So fat

your mammas so fat even god couldnt lift her spirits

Highway Patrolmen

The woman in question , a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: ” I bet you are going to give me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.” He replied [...]

Football player

Striker: “i’ve got a great idea of how to strengthen our team” Manager: “Great when are you leaving???”

Swap positions

“Darling,” says a husband coyly to his wife, “let’s swap positions tonight.” “What a good idea,” she replies. “You stand in front of the sink and do the dishes and I’ll sit in front of the TV and fart.”

where do gays park their bikes?…

where do gays park their bikes? between thar battymen boyfriends sweatty poo ridden shit squelching spearhead rubbing hiv spreading AAASSSSS

Early one morning a stranger pulled up to…

Early one morning a stranger pulled up to the gas station in his convertible, and on the back seat were standing three penguins.The cashier saw the peguins in the car, and when the man came in to pay she asked him what he was doing with the three penguins.”I don’t know what to do with [...]

What do blondes and cow shit have in common?

What do blondes and cow shit have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Blonde joke

There were three female explorers who decided that they would go explore the African jungle together. One blonde, one brunnette and one redhead. They were near the middle of the jungle when a rare african tribe surrounded them. The tribe said that the gods have sent them evil things and the explorers shall be poo [...]

Buddhist pizza

What did the Buddhist ask the pizza maker? “Make me one with everything.”

Grandfather & Grandson fishing

One day, this young boy and his Grandfather were fishing in a boat out on a lake. The Grandfather pulls out a beer from his cooler and starts drinking it. The boy asks “Grandpa, can I have one of those?” Grandpa replies, “When your willie’s long enough to touch your ass, then you’ll be old [...]

Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire…

Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? A. K9P.