Archive for July, 2007

Dumb Blond Orgasms

Why do dumb blondes have orgasms? So they know when to stop having sex!!!!!

If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery? A. If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

Dog Bath

Little Johnny walked into a grocery store and selected a large box of laundry detergent and took it to the counter. The clerk said, “You must have a large load of clothes to wash.” “Oh no,” said Johnny, “I’m going to give my dog a bath.” “I don’t think that is the right soap to [...]

Wind

An old Indian was suffering wind problems, so he told his apache servant to go to the doctor on his behalf. When he got there he told the doctor: “Big chief, no fart.” So the doctor gave him some tablets and told him to come back in a week. The next week the servant returned. [...]

Hab�a un mago que trabajaba

Hab�a un mago que trabajaba en un barco y ten�a un loro parlanch�n, que siempre que hac�a magia lo llevaba encima del hombro. En una actuaci�n esto fue lo que ocurri�: “Se�oras y se�ores con ustedes el mago Monchi con su loro Pedro”. Aplausos. Sale el mago y empieza a hacer sus trucos. En el [...]

9-1-1 calls

Goofy 9-1-1 calls from the new book “What’s the Number for 9-1-1?: America’s Wackiest 9-1-1 Calls” by Leland H. Gregory III (Andrews McMeel Publishing): Caller: “These bee-droppings are ruining my roof!” A woman dialed 9-1-1 in the middle of a rainstorm to ask if police could give her a ride to avoid getting her new [...]

What do you call two

What do you call two black guys in a sleeping bag? Twix

Yo mama so fat

yo mama so fat she fell and they labled her butt crack grand cayon 2

Lorena Bobbit in Car Accident

Did you hear? Lorena Bobbit was killed in a car accident. Some dick cut her off!

Savings

A young couple decided that a painless way for them to be able to save money would be for the husband to put all his change into the bedside china piggy bank each time they had sex. One night, while things were hot and heavy, the husband accidentally knocked the bank onto the floor where [...]

Knock KnockWho’s there?Kim!Kim who?Kim too

Knock KnockWho’s there?Kim!Kim who?Kim too late!

What is a Jewish American Princess’s favorite…

What is a Jewish American Princess’s favorite wine? I want to go to Miaaaaammmmmiiiii.

You can’t win…

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a sissy. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum. If she [...]

Chemistry song 17

Silver Nitrate(to the tune of “Silver Bells”)Silver nitrate, silver nitrateit’s chemistry time in the labDing-a-ling, with a copper ringsoon it will be chemistry day.Take your nitrate, in solutionAdd your copper with styleIn the beaker there’s a feeling of reactionssilver forming, blue solutionBringing ooh’s ah’s and wowsnow the data procesing begins.Get the mass, change to moleswhat [...]

Jewish Phone Call

An Old Jewish Man Is Talking Long-Distance To California When All Of A Sudden He Gets Cut Off. He Hollers, “Operator, Giff Me Beck The Party!” She Says, “I’m Sorry Sir, You’ll Have To Make The Call All Over Again.” He Says, “What Do You Want From My Life? Giff Me Beck Da Party.” She [...]

Give a Man a Fish…

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;Teach him to use the Internet, and he won’t bother you for weeks!

The Preacher and the Music Director

There was a church where the preacher and the minister of music were not getting along. As time went by this began to spill over into the worship service. The first week the preacher preached on commitment and how we all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The music director lead the song, [...]

Knock KnockWho’s there?Alfred!Alfred who!Alfred of

Knock KnockWho’s there?Alfred!Alfred who!Alfred of the dark!

The Top 15 Worst Names for Boats

15> Hazelwood’s Party Pad 14> The Gerald Fitzedmund 13> The Absolutely, Positively, Iron-Clad-Guarantee, Zero-Possibility-Of-Error Unsinkable Just-Made-the-Final-Payment 12> The www.MakeMoneyFromBelowDeck.com 11> Osama bin Sailin’! 10> U.S.S. Shirley Shirley bo birley banana fana fo firley me mi mo mirley… SHIRLEY! 9> The Compensator 8> Jenna, the Girl I Dated in High School Who Gave Me Herpes and [...]

The phone call…

The phone call… A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up. Curious, the husband said, “Who was that?” And his lovely wife replies, “I [...]

Divorce

Post-graduate in School of Love.

Coffee Time

Q: How does Mrs. Abdul Jabbar like her coffee? A: With Kareem!!! Q: What does it say, on great Hawaiian singer, Don’s mail box? A: The Ho House!!!

Smart-Ass Cop

Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that?” The trooper says, “You’re in [...]

Derrick L. Richards, 28, was

Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol to Ken’s head instead of a revolver.

3 men and the genie

3 men were in the woods. They took a wrong turn and they came to a cliff. Then suddenly a genie appeared. She said “you guys finally found my home! you can now have one wish each. all you have to do is say what u want and jump off the cliff. you will land [...]