Archive for June, 2007

Angels atop the christmas tree tradition

It was a starry night and the snowflakes drifted down gently. The snowcrust sparkled in the lamplight at the North Pole. Sleigh bells jingled in the distance. It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn’t. Santa was really pissed off. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had [...]

You have an Internet addiction when . . .

You get a tatoo that says “This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01or higher.” You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP…because you never log off. The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front [...]

Q&A

Q: What’s the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Lawyers do it with appeal….

Lawyers do it with appeal.

Q. Why does it take 5 women with PMS to change…

Q. Why does it take 5 women with PMS to change a lightbulb? A. (Scream) IT JUST DOES!!

Magical Sledgehammer

A magician was on stage doing his act, when he called for a volunteer from the audience. A man volunteered and went up on stage. The magician told himto pick up the 16 pound sledgehammer that was on stage next to a cement block and break the block apart with the sledgehammer so the audience [...]

Cessna Crash In Poland

The worst disaster in Polands history happend today when two seater Cessna 120 airplane crashed in a cemetery. So far, 326 bodies have been found. Polish search and rescue team believe the number will rise as they continue to dig.

Better Luck Next Tim

Why are politicians proof of reincarnation? You just can’t get that screwed up in one lifetime.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every so often, she has to stop to breathe.

Knock KnockWho’s there?Oswald!Oswald who?Oswald my

Knock KnockWho’s there?Oswald!Oswald who?Oswald my chewing gum!

Singing for a wish

An old guy wanted to go on a vacation, but he didn’t have any money at all. One day while looking around the house for some cash, he found a magic lamp…when he rubbed it out came a genie! The genie said for freeing him from his lamp, he will give him 3 wishes. The [...]

It’s in the genes

How can you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? Pull down it’s GENES! Submitted by calamjo Edited by curtis and yisman

Mom with one arm

Your mom has one arm and she swims in circles

A Muslim In Heaven

A Muslim dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, “Welcome to heaven my son, please enter!” The Muslim says “Oh no, no, I cannot enter without seeing Allah.” St. Peter says, “Oh… Allah. He is upstairs.” The Muslim says, “Well of course, Allah is [...]

Memo in Bin Laden’s Cave

Dear Friends, We are going to live in this cave for quite a while, so we need a few “good neighbor” rules – Everyone try and keep the cave clean. Do not leave crumbs on the floor. – It is very rare that I give television interviews, and when I do so, I am trying [...]

Beware of one who works

Beware of one who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds themself no wiser than before. They are full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way. – Sir John A. MacDonald, Canada’s first prime minister

Texan Buys Spread

A loud American, looking for properties to buy out in Australia is in the bar of the Railway Hotel. “Yeah, ma’am” he says to the barmaid ” ah’m looking to buy me a ranch- stations, you call them, so they tell me. Ah come from Texas and ah’m looking for a big spread because where [...]

The Titanic

Q.What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? A.Sanka

Lawyer and a Bucket of Shit

What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

Camel love

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?” The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and [...]

Mute Guy

A mute guy is walking down the street and he meets his mute friend who suddenly starts speaking to him. Amazed, the mute guy signals his talking friend asking how was he able to talk. His friend happily tells him that he went to a doctor who healed him in only 27 days. The mute [...]

Fun to do during an exam

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

I don’t think so

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who introduces the story swears it’s true. FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical [...]

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.150. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you’re not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for [...]

Strange Computer

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a [...]