Archive for April, 2007

Act Your Age

Your moms so old I told her to act her age and she died.

How'd You Get Th

Jill went to her doctor for a check-up. when asked how she got the bruises on the outside of her thighs, she explained that she got them from having sex.The doctor then told her she would have to change positions until the bruises healed.Jill replied “Oh doctor, I can’t… my dog’s breath is just murder.”

Lez

what has got 6 eyes anc carnt see 3 blinde mice

I have bad and very bad news

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.Patient: 24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you [...]

Bedroom Statue

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.””What’s this, [...]

WHITNEY AND DAIVD

hello one day david kiss whitney lol lol lol lol she said lets have a christmas party science its… march i saw them walking like a real couple daivd love whitney whitney long or daivd hagan lol i love daivd from withney

Fat Momma

Your Momma is so fat, when she put on a yellow rain suit everyone yelled twinkie!!!

Reality is an illusion that

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Mrs santa

what did mrs clause say to mr clause dont go out in that raindeer

Baking bread

Holiday Banana Bread: Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana. Instructions: 1 – look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms. 2 – Spread well shaped legs slowly. 3 – Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl [...]

Holy Water

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen. “Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle,” [...]

Three guys

Three guys walk up to a bar, the two dumb guys walk into the bar and the third guy ducked.

Bar Challenge

New guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar. FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing [...]

boatin

First boat attendant: “Boat 99, come in please, your time is up.” Second boat attendant: “Dont be silly Jim, we’ve only got eighty boats.” First boat attendant: “Boat 66 are you in trouble.”

Computer

How do u know a blonde has been on the computer… there potatoes on the screen.

Q: Why does Helen

Q: Why does Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate? A: One to do the work and the other to moan with.

Loving the Teacher

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eight-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, “Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?””I’m in love,” the boy replied.Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?””With YOU!” he said. “But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you [...]

I’ve suffered enough, when does

I’ve suffered enough, when does my artwork improve?

Knock KnockWho’s there?Hiawatha!Hiawatha who?Hiawatha very

Knock KnockWho’s there?Hiawatha!Hiawatha who?Hiawatha very bad today!

Your mother

your mother is sssssssssssoooooooooooooo fat wen people see her they shout fat bitch

Biggest Sex Life Lie

A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn. “Evening, boys. What are you doing?” “Nothing much, Pastor,” replied the one lad. “We’re just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life.” “Boys, boys, boys!” intoned the minister. “I’m shocked. When I was your age, I never thought [...]

Life of an egg compared to a man

If you think a guy’s life is bad compare it to an egg. You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. It takes 2 minutes to get soft. You have to share a box with eleven other guys. And the only chick to sit on your [...]

Lord, forgive me…

Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do ========================================== A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said, “Father Murphy, were you gambling?” Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, “Lord, forgive me for what I [...]

Moocow!

This gay guy walks into the bar and says,� Bartender I am gay but I would like to stay and have a drink�. So he replied�, Ok, you can stay if you go to the end of the bar and not mess with anyone.” So the guy accepted and walked away. A little while after [...]

The trouble with some women

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)