Archive for March, 2007

Pray to God to Get out of Toilet

Once a priest had to go to the bathroom really bad. In the old times the toilets were nothing but deep holes dug in the ground. The priest squatted down to use the toilet and slipped. He would’ve fallen in and drowned in the pit but he used his arms to keep him from falling [...]

The New York state bird

The New York state bird should be the mosquito.

Blonde in Desert

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a desert. The redhead brings a water bottle. the others said “Why did you bring that? in case I get thirsty.” The brunette brings food. The others ask,”Why did you bring that? in case I get hungrey.” Now, the blonde brought a car door. They asked [...]

Clinton one-liner

Which is worse, a Vice-President who can’t spell or a President who can’t add?

How do you spell Canada?

How do you spell Canada? *C-EH N-EH D-EH.

Knock KnockWho’s there?Isaac!Isaac who?Isaac coming

Knock KnockWho’s there?Isaac!Isaac who?Isaac coming out?

Bronco

Q: What do the L.A.P.D. and the Green Bay Packers have in common? A: Neither could catch a Bronco!

Football

Why are Englishmen better lovers than Frenchmen? They can stay on top for 89 minutes and still loose!

Tennis players have fuzzy balls….

Tennis players have fuzzy balls.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:…

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well talking. Here speeching American.

Van dos sacerdotes caminando por

Van dos sacerdotes caminando por la calle y en sentido contrario viene una bella mujer que se est� pudriendo de lo buenota que est�. De pronto sopla el viento, le levanta la falda y se le ven unos carnosos muslos y una cadera suculenta. “Padre, �usted no es sensible a estas situaciones?” dice uno de [...]

En un bar hay un

En un bar hay un borracho que llora y llora como un beb�… Un buen hombre se le acerca y trata de charlar con �l para consolarlo: “�Qu� le pasa buen hombre, por qu� est� tan angustiado?” “Es que hace un par de horas le vend� mi esposa a un tipo por una botella de [...]

Discharge

A young lady walks into a doctors office. “Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge.” The doctor lays her down, lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and asks her, “How does that feel?” The young lady replies, “Oooh doctor, that feels lovely… but the discharge is from my ear!” Submitted by [...]

Daffy Definitions

The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries: Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever [...]

Sleeping Man in Church

A man liked to sleep frequently in church, so the pastor devised a plan. During one service the pastor asked his congregation while the man was sleeping, “All who want to go to heaven, please rise.” Everyone stood up except the sleeper. Then, at the top of his voice, he bellowed, “ALL WHO WISH TO [...]

3beautiful daughters

There was once an old farmer whose only virtue was 3 beautiful daughters. One night, they were all going out on dates with their respective beaus. There came a knock at the door, and he answered. “Hi!” said the young man standing there. “My name’s Joe. I’m here to pick up Flo. we’re going to [...]

Alzheimer or Aids

A doctor called up a fellow and said, “Mr. Michaels I have some distressing news. As you know, your wife was in for some blood tests recently.” The guy says, “Yes, that’s right. Is there anything wrong?” “Well,” the doctor replies, “here’s the thing. There’s another women who came in for blood tests also and [...]

Viagra alert!

A supply of Viagra was stolen last night, police are looking for two hardened criminals and they can expect stiff sentences when caught!

Lady of the night

In Paris, there’s a 70-year-old “Lady of the Night” listed in the Yellow Pages. In fact, She’s the oldest trick in the book!

Drum joke

Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?A: The knocking gets faster.

Honeymoon

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and chit chatting the priest says, “Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?” He then realizes the truth, “I think we’re in a gay bar.” A man approaches and is trying to flirt with the priest. The priest is [...]

Lucky dog

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

New Word Power

1) Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. 2) Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. 3) Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from [...]

Who Said That?

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death?’” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, [...]

Falling bears

Q. Why did the 1st koala fall out of the tree? A. Because it was dead. Q. Why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree? A. Because the first koala knocked it out on his way down.