How did she know that?!!

A blonde’s house was on fire. She was
hysterical and called the Fire Department.

The man said, now calm down lady and tell us how to get to your house.

The blonde answered, “Dah

Pen problem

When asked to sign a document a doctor pulled
a rectal thermometer out of his pocket, “damn!”"

Three Blondes on an Island!

Their were three blondes on an island, not to far away from the other side, but far enough not able to swim across.

One of the blondes goes up to a lamp on the sand and rubs the lamp. The genie comes out and says, “I will give you each one wish.”"

One of the blondes walks up and says

A man appears before the pearly gates…

A man appears before the Pearly Gates

“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?”"

SCHOOL DAYS

sorry this really isnt ablonde joke but these are the only jokes people read and this is a hilarious joke.

One day this teacher was teaching about GOD. She asked Tommy to come and answer a few question in front of the class. Tommy said sure.

The teacher asked, “Can you see the chair?”"
Tommy replied

The Football Game

A blonde and a brunette went to a football game. When it was over, the blonde said to the brunette, “Why in the world did those two teams fight over a lousy quarter?”" The brunette

I can fly

Three men were on top of the empire state building. The first man’s name was Clark the second man’s name was Joey and the thirds name was Jo Momma. Joey was drunk so Clark decided to play a little joke on him. Clark said,” Yo Joey if u jumped of this building tbe air would bring u rite back up!”" So Joey said

Yo mama

Yo Mama is so poor, someone went into her house and stepped on a lighted match: and she said “Hey

3 piece’s of string at a bar

Three pieces of string walked into a bar. The first piece of string went up to the bar and asked the barman “Can i have three pints of beer please?”" The barman replied “”No sorry mate

O.J.’s kids:)

There was a mother duck,a mother skunk,a baby duck,and a baby skunk.They all came up on a busy highway.The mothers decided it would be best if they went first.As they were crossing an 18 wheeler came through and made them road-kill.Then the baby duck started crying,so the baby skunk said,”Whats wrong?”"The duck answered saying “”My momma died and i don’t know what I am

Tee Hee Hee…….

There were 101 nuns in a convent, Mother Superior and 100 Sisters. One sunday, all of the nuns were kept in after praying. Mother Superior stood before them and announced that there had been a MAN in the convent last night.

99 Nuns went “Oh no!”"
1 Nun went “”Tee Hee Hee!”"

Mother Superior then went on say that a condom had been found in the corridor.

99 Nuns went “”Oh NO!!”"
1 Nun went “”Tee Hee Hee!!”"

Then

Eel Sex

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about ‘courting’ from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister
and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. “Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while

What Am I?

Out in the country walked a family of ducks together. A mother, father and baby. As they attempted to cross the road, a car came speeding down he lane hitting and killing the mother and father duck, leaving the baby duck all by itself. Sadly, the baby duck began to wander around.

About a half mile down the same road a family of skunks attempted to cross the road. Once again, a car came speeding down the lane killing the mother and father skunk. The baby skunk didn’t know what to do so he wandered about as the duck did.

Eventually, the baby duck and baby skunk met up with each other. Happy for company the duck began to speak. “I was walking with my family and they were hit and killed just now. I am so young I don’t even know what I am…will you help me?”" The baby skunk looked at the baby duck and said “”Well

Help,help!!!!!!!!

One day a blonde and her husband was walking home from the park when all of a sudden the blonde’s husband fell and he told her that he was having a heartattack.

a brunnette walked by and the blond asked “what’s the number for 911?”"
and the brunnette said i dont know

Christmas Morning

Early one Christmas morning, Suzy, a shapely young woman was sitting by the fireplace eagerly but patiently awaiting the arrival of old St.Nick. After a few hours and even a few more heavily laced bourbon egg-nogs she heard a noise on the roof and sure enough Santa was soon standing before her.
“Have you been naughty or nice this year?”" he asked.
Suzy had been nice all damn year and was ready to do the other thing. While Santa placed his gifts around the tree Suzy was busy taking off her blouse. He turned around and heard her say “”Santa…can you please stay?”"
Thinking of all the childeren who were awaiting presents

My littl girl Abby and I were playing in the…

My littl girl Abby and I were playing in the grass of our front yard and we were on the steps ready to now cooome in when she saw a spider ! She got creeped so I stepped on it and she said ” mom will it go to heaven?”" I said to her “”sure

Cork radio competition

A radio station is holding a competition for a trip to hawai. Somebody rings up , tells them a word that isn’t in the dictionary and then puts it in a sentence. This is how it went
First caller: Hi my name Adam and my word is G-o-a-n pronounced “Go an”".
Presenter: Okay thats not in the dictionary now whats your sentence.
Adam:Okay

Spaghetti

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know the baby is born?”" she asked. He replied

Uncle Ted

One day at the end of class little Johnny’s teacher has the class go home
and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The
following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their
story, little Suzy raises her hand.

“My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck
and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well

What’s under that kilt?

What a Scotsman Wears Under His Kilt
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a
large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to
nap against a tree. As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud
snoring. When they found him, one said, “I’ve always wondered what a
Scotsman wears under his kilt.”" She boldly walked over to the sleeper

Blonde and Bernies!

A blonde walks in Bernie’s, and asks to buy a t.v. The owner says,” I don’t sell them to blondes. She left

Being a guy is tops…

Your arsenal is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting shagged.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Princess Di’s death was just another obituary.

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. ‘Nuff said…

You don’t give a f**k if someone doesn’t notice your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubes.

Wrinkles add character.

A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.

You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

People never glance at your chest when you’re
talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Porn films are designed with you in mind.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So

A.t.p.

there was a guy who had to use the bathroom really bad and the men’s line was too long
so he asks the lady if he can use the womens and she said “yes just dont touch any buttons”"
he said “”ok i wont”"
so he goes in and sits down

President Bush and Superman

President Bush go’s to Superman and says
“Hey Superman

The alphabet

Jimmy was in kindergarten and had to go to the bathroom. His teacher made him recite the alphabet before going to the bathroom. “ok”"